The improbable birth of my daughter
by Metoprolol
Summary: EPOV. Edwards point of view. Story begins with leaving Isle Esme. Story ends with the birth of Renesmee a few more chapters . A lot of suffering. Sentimental. Love. Some humor.
1. Arrivals

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

My memories surfaced and I remembered Alice's confidence in Bella's future. How the future would come about was imperceptible to her. But the visualization of Bella dead in my arms—or with crimson eyes was clear.

Well, the future came quickly and I couldn't fight that.

Kaure's words filled in the blanks. My questions to her were a struggle for a loophole, a difference in series of events. Another path that Bella could be following. The events she told me about were old Ticuna Indian legends—but the legends applied well to our situation. The measures were simple and identical.

I threw the bags in the boat—irate.

How could I have let this happen?

I was barely able to keep my appearance straight in front of Bella. Kaure was distinct on the word—death. Her voice and her words haunted me. Awareness of what I had done to Bella made me wish that I could rip my head off and burn it.

It felt instinctive. Irresponsible. I was irresponsible.

_Get a grip._

I thought of Carlisle. I could almost feel his patience despite the distance. His words on the phone weren't informative. They were compassionate.

_Carlisle, I'll put my faith in you hands._

The least I could do—was to support her. Hold myself back until we were back in Forks. If I let the frustration run free, she would turn anxious. I wanted stability for her, for now. Just a few more hours…

Her expression told me nothing when I tried to interpret the image of her, holding her stomach. She was just as caught up in herself as I was. Afraid.

I returned to the house and she was by the door, holding the last couple of things in her brittle hands. She was about to break my heart countless times these days.

"I'm ready now," she said in a hollow voice. She reached out to hand me my phone without looking up to meet my gaze.

I locked the door and put my arm around her as we strolled down to the boat. She was tense and preoccupied. She had an adequate reaction for once. I had planted a repulsive seed from myself to grow inside her fragile body. I tried to push back those thoughts.

The dead heart wrenched in my chest.

The engine roared. I was watching Bella sit pale at the edge of the bench as we flew through the supple waves. Her face told me she was angry. As if she hadn't the right to feel that way…

"Edward, please slow down," she whimpered. "Nausea."

Or expressed her face queasiness?

Stupidity hit me as I reduced the speed. "Lie down and close your eyes. This will be over soon." I was eager to get to the shore, then to the airport, to put her in the plane and go home, as soon as possible.

What kind of misery was this? Bella in both physical and psychological distress due to my previous actions. Impious fool. I was over a hundred years old and wasn't vivid enough to practice safe sex. Maybe I was caught in the mental state of being a teenager after all.

Everything was off beam. The sight of her face, pale and torn threw my thoughts towards anger and devotion. It would be difficult to show either one without experiencing the other. I couldn't find the words to comfort her. I was terrified in her company. And the way home was long enough. The trip to the docks was an additional twenty minutes to what it used to be. Even worse—the flight was cancelled when we finally arrived at the airport.

After a frenzy acquaintance with the airline company I luckily got hold of two tickets for the next morning. The detached female behind the desk was the first woman in a long time who wasn't dazzled by the sight of me. She was terrified.

_So what._

She would think no less of me than that I was another dissatisfied customer.

When I got Bella between the sheets at the airport hotel that night I realized we hadn't really spoke much about this at all. Just an occasional instructive sentence of usual conversation between—what felt like hours—of condemned silence.

"We _will_ get through this." I was slowly kissing her face, hoping that she would get calm enough to fall asleep. And fast. I felt an obligation to entertain her that I didn't care for. I tried caressing her skin to create some tranquility and that actually seemed to ease her. "I love you Bella." Throughout our last tropical night I held my cool body around hers. The only thing I could offer at this time.

The only good thing I had left.

The first ounce of relief was to walk the aisle of the airplane. I played with the thought of visiting the landing strip and kick start the plane myself. But soon it took off on itself. Bella's face was the palette of Claude Monet's water lily period. She had not been able to keep any other food but fluids.

A slender brunette in a red uniform came walking towards our direction, but hesitated at the sight of Bella.

_Oh Lord! What's wrong with her! She looks awful. And about to vomit..._

I quickly grabbed the paper bag from the seat pocket in front me to unfold it in front of Bella's howling face. It tormented me.

_She better not have the stomach flu. The airline policy is to reject ill passengers, but I'm not sure I'll be able to take such actions. I hate being harsh._

The flight attendant caught Bella's eye. She put on a deep caring face and used a smooth voice when she spoke to her. "Are you alright?"

I wish I was her.

Uninformed. Non-suffering.

Bella shuddered holding the paper bag. "I will be. I'm sorry." Stupid innocent Bella. Stop apologizing for matters you can't amend. "I'm… pregnant." Bella looked at me, as if the word was forbidden fruit.

What was she thinking?

The flight attendants concerned face lightened. "Oh, well then, congratulations!" she said with a careful but representative smile.

_Poor thing._ _She looks awful_.

"Is there anything I can get you?" She turned to watch me instead and flinched.

_Wow! What's with him? Concerned, sure…. But that furious expression… Maybe greetings weren't appropriate. He is about to burst... Keep smiling… Keep smiling…_

I got Bella several drinks, not sure what taste she would tolerate, and a few blankets. I made sure the attendant left unscathed. Her thoughts reminded me of Angela Weber's which triggered my better manners.

The temperature and the air conditioning in the plane were poles apart to the humidity in Rio. I pulled my sweater off and Bella put it on. She hadn't got much sleep last night. She looked worn. I wrapped one blanket on her pulled-up legs and tucked it in tight. The other one was used as a cushion to my hard chest as she leaned on me.

The lullaby came gently and worked as well as diazepam on her. To my delight the shivers stopped and she fell asleep.

A few weeks ago I had told her that I wished for the possibility for us to produce a child. And here I was. Despaired, with everything I've ever wanted in my hands.

I found myself powerless to keep my thoughts on hold. I didn't want to cause an outbreak on the plane though. I was still responsible for Bella. But as soon as my family would approach us I would let go. Leave her to someone else's care. Probably Alice's. Esme's support would be efficient as well. I could take the time to unwind somewhere else. Alone.

_Prick. Don't go there._

I imagined me darting the woods. But I couldn't predict the release it should provide. Briefly frowning at a memory, I saw more aid at the sight of me hitting a tree, all the trees. Crushing them down one after one until the pain would be extinguished.

_Selfish bastard._

Here I was, longing for the release of _my_ pain. I wasn't looking for possibilities for my wife to be safe. I wasn't even discussing her feelings. Asking her about them. I realized that the only thing worse than the pain I suffered was Bella's destiny, her thoughts, _her_ pain… I told myself that I was protecting myself from even more ache by not exploring those things. And an airplane was certainly not the place for that kind of conversation.

I tried to watch her sleep as I usually do. Watching every position. Every move she makes. Her eyelids fluttered lightly.

_Please stay._

Her hair was a wild river running down her shoulders. I held a strand of her dark cap in my hand for a while before putting it to place behind her ear. My head dropped to lean on hers. I submerged in her scent.

_Finally._

Huston, Texas.

Bella was almost asleep as I pushed her forward between gates. I found myself ignoring any chance to a conversation. It felt easier to express my affection through touching her. It seemed safer. So I made sure to cover any verbal recoil with a tender touch. I didn't want to think about what she could say. Not here anyways. What reactions her thoughts would bring on me. No, not here.

I played my physical part well, as soon as we found our seats Bella cuddled up to my chest to fall back to sleep. I relaxed and let whatever feelings I had fill me.

My Bella was a prisoner in her own body. What may come from this? Carlisle sure didn't have an answer to those kinds of questions. He could tell the maternity aspects of a human being but not the aspects of a pregnancy like this one. _Was_ Bella going to die? _How_ was she going to die? _What_ was growing inside her?

Unintentionally my mind opened up to the most repulsive scenario I could imagine. Bella's body wrenching in pains from having her pelvis flipped open by something that was more of a Tasmanian devil than a human or a vampire.

Cheap horror movie stills.

Seriously.

Will it be one or the other? Or us two combined? Maybe it won't even be an individual. Maybe the duplication is disturbed by the diverse nucleuses of our reproductive cells—creating no more than a lump of flesh which will not breathe or live at all?

Kaure never got to that part.

* * *

I have more chapters in progress. If you're curious... =)


	2. Facing the facts

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

After what felt like forever we finally touched ground. The plain was slowly turning towards the gates when I decided to wake her up.

"Bella, we are in Seattle now." I kissed her wrinkled forehead. "Wake up."

She straightened up in her seat. We watched each other under silence while the plain kept sliding towards the gate.

_Almost there now._

The emotions on our faces were palpable. We had been disconnected for the last thirty-six hours. I felt ashamed that I didn't take the time to discuss this properly, alone with her. But I didn't have the strength to do so. She seemed to worry.

She stroked my forearm, kissed the frozen skin in my hand. Sighed.

"Everything will be fine," she said.

She was comforting _me_…

I put my finger on her jaw line to make sure she wouldn't turn away. "At this moment, I want to punish myself for putting you through all of this, for keeping this frightening emotional distance to you—" I fought the anxiety. "Whatever you see in my face right now, or later on after meeting with Carlisle, and whatever I may say then… I love you."

No anger. Only love in her innocent face. Not making this much easier for me.

"I love you too," she breathed.

Walking the gate, I searched the minds of my family. I was rapidly scanning the thoughts of hundreds of people. Longing for the song of Alice's chirping voice. Emmett's ruthless laugh. If I could hear Rosalie hiss at me right now…

Any recognition would due.

She held my hand, determined, as we hastily cut through the crowd.

_Edward! _

Esme was standing right in front of me, five hundred feet away. People were scattering between us. I cut their voices and the whole world out to single out the sound of her voice.

_Oh Edward. I see the desperation in your face. Don't worry love. We'll do everything in our power to make this work out for the best._

The diversion helped me meet the gazes of the other members as well.

Emmett stood tall at the back in a bright red sweater, also wearing a cautious smile. _This stinks bro, glad to see you again though…_

Alice was the only one who seemed to gush in excitement. _Bella! Edward! You are finally back! You look outrageous... Both of you. Sorry._

Jasper was bowled over. _I feel with you… Gosh!_

Carlisle looked unchanged. Gathered in a soothing sense. _Relax Edward. We'll take one step at the time._

We were only a few steps away when Bella suddenly cut loose of my hand. I saw her sprint into Rosalie's open arms.

_What_ did I miss?

I glared at Rosalie, suspicious. I guess she saw my expression because she gave me the cold eye. _She called me, moron. I won't let you take this baby away from us._

I saw Bella stroking her stomach in front of her. Her hand slowly patted the base of her stomach as a faint smile took shape in her unraveled face. And she sighed. She was not afraid. Or angry.

She seemed happy.

The pieces of the puzzle fell into place as I thought about her face during our trip back home. She appeared… decided to me now. No irrational outbursts. No fright. Rather strong. Almost secretive.

She wanted this child.

That was all I needed to slip. For a few seconds I saw the image of her, lifting a sheer blouse to reveal a bulging stomach. I saw myself cuddle the perfect stomach with my hands, standing on my knees in front of her. I saw another image of us on the white bench between the cedars, listening to the river and admiring the beautiful baby… girl? Boy? I saw my devotion towards them complete the picture of the perfect family. I saw Esme and Carlisle standing by the tree behind us. They were holding hands. Esme's face beaming of admiration. She was grace itself and tears kept falling down her smiling face. It wedged me, breathless—

_Joy._

_Pain._

The moment was gone. And I desperately tried to burn the beautiful images in my head. Before Bella would see the expression on my face. I wasn't prepared for this kind of ache to be received by knowing what was on her mind. What did I expect she was thinking? Fear?

_I should've known better._

I did not like this.

Thinking back at my few words about the matter to Bella made me realize what she was expecting. Abortion. I had told her that we would take care of that _thing_... And now she had Rosalie by her side.

Was I supposed to _fight_ this now? Tell her to abort our child?

_Pain._

_Double pain._

A new difficult aspect of this to handle.

Another kind of pain I would put her through. Put us through.

I'd love for us to have a child, but not a child who kills her in the process. The safe thing to do would be to abort. How much, _that word_ made me aware of my feelings– was impossible to describe.

I stepped forward and ran my fingers down Bella's white cheek.

_Was it possible—not loving her?_

Her face was still a soiled palette, but she'd never looked more beautiful. Knowing I would hurt her feelings intentionally–

_Heartbreaking._

I struggled to find the proper words for this.

"No!" I eventually cried out.

Bella pulled back to Rosalie.

"No, Bella! Are you out of your mind?"

_Back of Edward. I will kill you._ Rosalie put her arms around Bella again to protect her.

Rosalie was not thinking about Bella's best interest. She wanted to lay her hands on the daemon baby inside her. I did not like that either. I saw the others being astounded by the encounter to. But it is not unlike Rosalie to forge a devious plan to fuel her ego.

I snarled at her betrayal, and then turned to Alice.

"Alice! _Spill it._"

Her body tottered a few feet back. _I don't see it Edward. I don't see anything… I can't see Bella at all… I couldn't see her walking with you here just know… I don't know why. I've tried! Forgive me… Ouch… My head. Trying makes my head sprain._

Unwillingly I put a cruel face on and spit out the first thing on my mind.

"I put faith in you and you're nothing but _useless_…"

I was disgusting.

"Calm down Edward," I heard Jasper say, protective towards Alice, as always. I heard him congregate himself in his mind—

"Don't you dare ease my misery? Let me _suffer_."

_She's crying Edward…_ Esme's concerned voice made me loosen up. I glanced at Bella. She was shivering. Standing alone. The blonde witch would never care for Bella enough to comfort her. Carlisle pulled her towards him to gently stroke her back. I saw myself in the other's eyes. The word pain echoed in their heads, my head…

I surrendered.

I would regret these outbursts some day.

"Let's go home," Carlisle suggested. _Edward, sure you need to unravel your feelings but think about Bella. Try to calm down. We don't really know where this is heading… It seems to me like Bella made her mind up towards something else… Any mistakes and you will regret it for the rest of… time._

Stability. The pain would never leave me, so why worry Bella by trying to release it? To leave her for someone else at the airport was an irrational thought I once had. I was the one who loved her. Who would never leave her. And everything was _my_ fault.

_Fool._

I took three confident steps to embrace her.

I used my soothing voice to seem less harsh. "This child is jeopardy, Bella. Please. Don't put yourself through this menace. Don't make this decision."

I pushed her hair back to kiss her ear.

"I know you feel that way," she breathed. She reached for my hand and squeezed it tight. "And I'm not worried. We got you."

_We... _

A sting of worship. And then a sting of more pain.

I closed my eyes and let go of her—to avoid subsequent the engaging moment any further.

She was still crying but looked secure somehow.

"It's going to be fine, Edward." She, comforting me again. "Please don't hurt this way—that's the _only_ thing bothering me now."

The fact that the abnormal pregnancy didn't bother her was inexplicable.

* * *

Hope you enjoy it! I have a handful of additional chapters in progress...


	3. The art of showing love with pain

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

The ride home provided some rest. We were in Carlisle's Mercedes with him and Esme, the others in Alice's Porsche. They didn't bother us in the back seat. Not that there was anything to disturb.

Bella tried to eat. But didn't seem to care for anything really. I watched her with an attempt to be patience, a quality I hardly possessed. To convince myself that this would work out fine was pointless. I wasn't about to let myself be caught off guard.

She was too calm. I was stunned by the fact—how natural this decision actually was for her. Were we already headed along a one way street? Was she thinking that I would come around? A part of me wanted to allow certain feelings again.

_No._

Maybe everything would feel better after Carlisle had examined her.

Back home, and I was finally relieved. Eager to take Bella inside and make sure she wasn't in danger. That she wasn't hurt. We parked the cars in the garage and set off for the living room.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"No, I slept a lot on the plain, remember?"

We were all gathering around the couch were Bella laid down with her head in my lap. She sighed, relieved.

Carlisle cleared his throat. Symbolically of course. _We'll take this from the beginning, and figure things out as we go._ "Obviously this is a special occasion," he began. "It's new to me and probably new to mankind. Let's not make this entirely about that. We must consider that Bella, and Edward, are the main figures here. We are the bystanders."

Rosalie hissed. _We'll see about that._

Bella twitched lightly in my arms.

"What?" I whispered fretfully.

She put a stiff grin on her face as she moaned devastatingly and turned in my grip. She got up and headed for the bathroom, crouching, holding her stomach. I went after her but she bunged by the pillar next to the grand piano to heavily vomit over the hardwood floor. She kneeled but I held her up.

_Bella!_ I heard from at least three different members of my family.

Carlisle was there in a jiffy. "Bella are you alright?"

"Sure. I'm used to this by now." She looked devastated. "I'm so sorry about the floor."

Who gives a shit about the floor?

"I'll take care of that. You go get cleaned up," I said casually.

"Alice…" Carlisle spoke to her as he expected something from her.

Alice darted to us holding a brown paper bag in her white hand. Carlisle tore it open and gave the pregnancy test to Bella. _Just to make sure, Edward._

Bella didn't seem repelled by the idea. She ripped the box from his firm hand and went for the bathroom. I rapidly tried to clean up the worst of the vomit—but Esme's hands grabbed mine._ Let me finish that Edward. Go to her now._

I felt nervous walking to the bathroom. I leaned my head against the doorframe.

"Bella…? Can I come in?"

I heard noises made from the box and the sound of Bella, washing her hands before the door was unlocked. I got in and locked the door behind me.

"So…" I breathed.

"You're supposed to wait for a few minutes before you check." She shuddered. "Plus means positive."

I heard her heartbeats accelerate. I sat on the counter by the sink and pulled Bella up in my arms. I smelled her hair, unable to not count the seconds. Either way, the result _would_ please me in some extent. I hated that. But a negative result would be so much easier.

Thoughts hovered us anxiously.

Alice. _Something is off with her._

Emmett. _I wonder what's inside her…_

Rosalie. _Plus means positive! Plus means positive!_

Carlisle. _Fascinating…_

Time was up.

Bella was now breathing heavily. I closed my eyes, held her tighter. Don't feel anything. Stay calm.

_Open your eyes._

I saw her hand shiver as she held the plastic stick to our faces. Positive. Her body crumbled in my arms as she gasped. She was forcing her lungs to expand as the tears began to fall. The sound of her crying, bounced between the tiles.

She looked _too_ cheerful—breaking my heart.

Not a single word could describe this. Not a single word slipped my mouth.

I fought the pain. Fought the love in my dead soul. She required the reaction out of me in the worst possible way.

"Edward? You _are_ a father," she breathed.

A strange fire burst out in my chest. It directly reminded me of the time I was burning, burning to immortality. This blaze was less painful but more affective. I felt my face crumble. Of aching. Of loving her. Short pinches ran through me.

"What's going on in there!?" I heard Rosalie snap.

Jasper was staggering. "He's… _crying_. I believe."

I was?

I had to touch my face to make sure. No nothing there. But the feeling I had…

Bella jumped to her feet and pulled me down next to her. She kissed me bewildered for a few seconds, but I couldn't move. Then she took my hand to take us out of there. She found Rosalie half-across the living room. They were laughing and sighing, Bella through her tears.

My feet were founded to the ground. It was impossible to pass the corner and watch the others.

Esme came sliding down to me. She held her arms out as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I embraced her for a long time.

_I wish this moment could've come to you under safer circumstances. So I could avoid seeing the pain in you, covering up all that joy… Father… After all this time... Edward, I love Bella. I love that she is good to you. See her. Support her decision. You will never be able to plead your case. Trust me._ Esme's words were true. She had been pregnant once herself. I had heard and felt her grief about it countless of times—losing her child.

I cut loose from her arms and kissed her forehead.

I darted to Bella, standing in front of the others. I felt the throbbing fire in my chest submerge me as her eyes met mine. I put my hand on her face. For a few seconds we were all alone, right there. It was not a moment of common joy. It was me—pleading for her to realize how much pain she would put me through by doing this.

I refused to look at the others, as if it mattered. No one had a thought that appealed to me. Bella watched me as if she was able to hear every thought I had. The comfort in her eyes was expanding by her happiness.

I was unable to break through to her. She was trying to persuade me too.

Rosalie sat in the armchair with Emmett; squeezing his hand with a longing gaze in her eyes, staring at Bella and me.

Carlisle walked towards us to put his hand on Bella's back. "Well, I find this difficult to comment. But, now that we're sure about the fact…"

"I was already sure. I felt the baby kick me," Bella tried to convince him as she disengaged our eye contact to stare at him instead.

Carlisle was obviously astonished by her words. "The mind can play tricks on you, Bella. I was sure too, but we had to take the test to make positive."

Bella shook her head. She pulled away from Carlisle's supportive hand. In fact, she didn't look like she needed it. She grabbed the bottom lining of my sweater she still was wearing and the white top underneath as she pulled them up, on the hair of flashing her breasts in the process.

I twitched by the sight of the bulge.

Carlisle was not prepared for this. His eyes were alarmed. He gasped. That was probably the first time I'd seen him taken aback by something. _Impossible._

"Eh, how far along is she?" Emmett was the one who managed to put every thought in the room into words.

"About five weeks," Carlisle gasped. "Impossible…" _That's easily a three month growth… Maybe towards four months… She's thin…_

"Four months!?" I threw my words out.

Bella's eyes widened.

"Impossible." Carlisle was desperately seeking the explanation. "Bella, you said your last period was sixteen days before the wedding!" _I thought they waited until…_

"It was," she said. "You better explain this."

"I would ask Edward." Emmett chuckled.

"It better not be that mongrel," murmured Rosalie, disappointed. My eyes weren't keen to her remark.

Bella's was offended. And embarrassed. Her face was blushing.

I woke from my trance to save her virtue.

"_We_ did wait. This is it. Deal with it."

My eyes fell back onto the bulge. Bella was still holding her clothes up but began to slip them down again. I desperately didn't want her to cover it up just yet. I grabbed the fabric and pushed it upwards again. I was breathing slow and deep as I watched the pale globe rest its weight on her hips. She was beautiful.

I swallowed. How would she interpret me touching it?

Well, I knew that.

I saw the partially burned images in my head and imagined the scenario I had seen. Sentimental.

I lightly hauled her clothes back.

She seemed fulfilled, watching my torched face.

The art of showing love with pain.

I had no words. I wrapped my arms around her to once again use affection instead of words.

Everybody was silent. Someone's breaths were shivering. I ignored all thoughts at this time.

Much too soon I released her.

We had to figure this out.

Carlisle tried to even the thick moment out. _Humanity is catching up with you Edward. Every moment you're more human. Your emotional life is extremely intense… Vampires are unable to cry. But I'm sure the soul in you remembers the sentiment of it. Are you sure about what you want? You are my child. And this one is yours. But now, anything could happen here…_

He had gathered himself after the shock, looking calm as usual_. _"Well, I guess we have to prepare for anything. I wasn't expecting this. But on the other hand, this _is_ atypical the whole way through…" He looked at Bella. "We should go to my study now and have you examined. You understand that you can't visit a hospital?"

She nodded.

* * *

The next chapter was my absolute favorite to write. So far. It was fun playing around with the senses of a vampire... =)


	4. Sweet child o' mine

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

Carlisle's study was rearranged. A big table, suitable for operations or exams was in the middle of the room. A huge light source was put up in the ceiling. I glanced at a cart stuffed with various things which would keep track of Bella's vital signs. Another cart had piles of needles and little glass ampoules containing drugs I didn't want to connect to whatever health condition Bella may obtain from this.

Carlisle pushed the ultrasound machine towards the head of the bed. We all stood in a line by the door watching him.

It was surreal.

He put his hand on the table as a symbolic gesture and let the other hand reach out to invite Bella. She walked slowly to the table to take his hand and stumbled as she got on top of the deathbed. She was nervous.

Alice's quick finger poked me between the ribs. _Go over there, chump._

I dawdled to sit down next to the table. I put my hand in hers. Her heart was beating faster. Her eyes were moving quickly between Carlisle, me and the others.

I kissed her fingertips as Carlisle was starting up the machine.

"Bella, I'll start by looking at your abdomen. While I'm at it I should check the blood flow in your heart too. Just in case. Tell me if you're uncomfortable."

She squeezed my hand and nodded.

Carlisle folded up the sweater to reveal the globe again. _I will probably have to go a little lower too… I think she'll be more comfortable if you ask her to pull her pants down, an inch or two…_

I quickly reached for her pants and wiggled them down two inches.

"What do you think you're doing?" She flushed.

Emmett and Jasper laughed out loud. I tried not to look smug. Carlisle creased his eyebrows to reprimand me.

"Sorry." I couldn't help but smile briefly. "He just needs an inch or two for the sonogram."

She appeared angry, but relaxed as soon as Carlisle put a portion of gel on her stomach. He smudged it out with the hand device. I starred at the screen as he hit the keys to start the view.

What was I about to experience now?

He moved around for quite some time, back and forth over her stomach. His eyes questioned. _I don't get a picture here at all. I'll try the bile duct._

He moved towards the right ribcage and pushed the device harder on to her skin and a perfectly fine picture of her liver appeared on the screen. _There it is._

"I'm sorry Bella. I can see your liver easily… But I don't get a picture of your uterus at all, no structures. I can't tell you exactly why, but my _guess_ would be…" _Edward, stand up and lift your shirt._

I did as he told me to. Aware of his little experiment.

Interesting.

Terrifying.

Carlisle put the device to mystomachinstead only to get the same result on the screen, dark haze.

"My guess is that the embryonic membranes share characteristics to our tissue. That makes it impossible for us to permeate by ultrasound."

"And we're not able to hear through it either..." I sat down again.

Bella flinched.

"But then how will we know… anything?"

Carlisle wiped the stomach dry and then got the Pinard horn from the cart to listen to Bella's stomach for a few seconds. Like _his_ hearing wasn't good enough…

"No, I hear nothing but your pulsations. But you can feel the baby move, you say—" Carlisle put his hands on her stomach with a thoughtful expression on his face. _I should be able to move the tissue though…_ "Tell me if it hurts," he said. Then he pushed his hands firmly around the bulge to feel the deeper structures of it. _Hmm, palpable, that's good. I feel… I definitely feel a fetus beneath the membranes. It's warm. No coldness… I guess my feeling sense is the only thing that will infiltrate. What was that?_ Carlisle blinked.

"You shouldn't kick your grandfather like that." Bella educated the monster with a little laugh.

_Amazing. _Carlisle eyes where glowing while he kept on massaging. "I feel the fetus obviously. It's warm though. I don't know if that's anything to observe, it might just be that Bella is keeping the baby warm," he said, caught up in his own world. _There is… Oh…_

"What?" I tossed out without covering up my desperation.

"Heartbeats..." he sighed. "Life."

Bella's heartbeats and irregular breathing was the only sound in the room for several minutes.

_Fascinating… Out of death comes life and birth._ His thoughts were sacred.

"It's a good hammering Bella, about one hundred fifty beats per minute. That is perfectly normal in human pregnancies."

Bella lightened up and smiled. "I wish I could hear it."

For a moment I had hope that this would turn out fine.

I reached my hands towards Carlisle's; he recognized them and pushed my hand onto the spot, seemingly hard on her soft, but diluted warm skin. _She can take the pressure Edward. Don't worry._

I shut everything out to concentrate on the tingling and electricity flowing through my fingers. I searched for something unusual and felt the hard bump hidden beneath. The structures of temperature created a picture in my head; my cold hand, Bella's warm skin and then a slightly warmer composition.

"It's warmer than Bella, just a few degrees," I said.

Carlisle looked thoughtful. _That's strange though._

I felt everything else to, more than warmth. I closed my eyes. I felt the structure of her soft skin, the slippery membranes slide against each other, the little bump bending, pushing against my fingers, illuminating… I felt a petit thumping. Like a hen picking the ground. It was tiny but it was there. Genuine. Fragile.

I felt my chin drop. "I wish you could feel this…"

Bella was tearing up again. "I'm glad _you_ can. How is it?"

"Like nothing else," I tried to conceal my joy about the fact but my voice was weak.

I let go of the stomach.

_Oh, please let me._ Alice's curiosity cut through, annoying me.

"No, enough now, we shouldn't push this. Let it rest." I turned to look at Alice's sad but curious face. She fixed her bottom lip, making a resolute expression. "Forget it, Alice."

* * *

I just love the part where he can feel the heart beat! Hope you enjoyed that too.

More pain to come though...


	5. A kick in the head

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

This chapter is a sequel to the scene in the previous chapter - _Sweet child o' mine_...

* * *

Emmett's thoughts made me freeze. _If he is kicking Carlisle he will probably be a great fighter some day, I'll teach him for sure._

I scanned my memories to see the pictures of fetuses in different stages of a pregnancy, four months… Did a four month fetus kick? I had no answer to that.

"Carlisle, would a four month baby kick?"

He was quiet. _Logical question, if she feels its movements now… And the pregnancy is accelerating like this; she will feel even more as the fetus gets bigger._

"What are you saying?" I knew but I did not want to believe it.I heard anger and pain raise my voice.

He fetched a tape measure and stretched it all the way over her bulge. He did the math. _According to this measurement and the size of it… _"Seventeen weeks I would say."

"You skipped a step there, Carlisle," I snarled.

"This is getting cryptic now, guys," Emmett said impatiently.

"In some pregnancies, the mother can feel more than minor movements before twenty weeks, it's not common but it occurs. And a lot of times it's just the bowel moving… But this, as I understand from Bella's description, is distinct movements. And I also felt so for myself, so I believe this is a feature related to Edward's contribution—"

"What does this mean," Bella gasped. "Is the baby ok?"

Carlisle watched her, astounded. _She is certainly not thinking about her own risks… I'm beginning to understand your frustration Edward…_

"If this goes on in the same direction, my estimate is that the baby will develop as destined, it is strong. It will fight for survival…" Carlisle put a careful and calming face on as he continued: "Bella, as the baby gets bigger, your body will probably have trouble adjusting. Worst case scenario is that the baby could control this pregnancy in many ways, putting you through danger. If it keeps getting stronger—imagine what the baby can _do to you_."

Bella knew, but wasn't shocked. "Well, I can't do anything about that now, can I?" Her words expressed her opinion quite unmistakably.

Rosalie was inpatient, thumping her foot to the floor. _As much as a word and you're dead meat Edward._

I lowered my head to her hand that lay on the bed and closed my eyes.

The baby _was _coming. I didn't want the authority to give a verdict, but I could tell her the truth. I glared at her intensely.

_Pain._

"I will always put your survival prior to everything; but your desires are a close runner up. I despise this wish of yours—but I respect it, for now, even if it will torment me every day towards something we cannot predict. You make the decision; I _will_ hold your hand all the way. Either way."

"Thank you," Bella breathed.

I placed my hand on her stomach. "I do understand how you can put this life ahead of your own. _I_ will guard this life before my own too. But _my_ heart is not beating, Bella—_I_ _can_ put my own life aside."

She was towing her fingers through my hair. "Imagine you lying here and your heart _were_ beating—would you guard your child?" she whispered. "I know you would."

_Probably._

I put my face in her hand again, trying to bury my anxious face to the table.

No one was in a hurry. We had an unspoken recess of silence to wear off the emotions that was lingering in the room. I avoided listening to their thoughts. My mind was exhausted from all of this. I had passed the border. All I had to do was to survive the pain of watching her suffer.

_A piece of cake._

I turned in her hand to watch her face again. She was watching me already. Her confidence was unbearable. What could she possibly be thinking?

"I'll try to be patient," I murmured. "But any change in your condition will make me reconsider, again and again. But for now, let's just hope—if that is what you want."

"It is," she smiled. "Please, don't hate yourself. This is a gift, the perfect gift—you always wished that I would receive something from you."

"I would take any gift back if it was killing you. No hesitation," I snapped.

It felt good being clear about the facts. It felt bad watching her realize it.

Silence, then—

"Would you care to explain that further?"

_No._

Carlisle cleared his throat again. "Bella, if _anything_ goes wrong, now or in two weeks—we will take that baby out to save _you_."

_Carlisle!_ I felt Esme's despair. _We need to talk._

_I'll rip your head off!_ Rosalie took a hasty step forward, but Emmett caught her.

I felt the crowd team up.

"We need a minute, right now, all of us," I said. "Carlisle, Esme wants a word with you, alone." Carlisle's eyes changed as he watched her. Like he put his stethoscope aside and watched Esme walk down the aisle for the first time—all over again. I knew he would stand on his knees with his head down, and please her requests. I knew that look, it was exceptional. I had only witnessed three of these moments before.

The sight of them was remarkable. He took Esme's hand and they walked away.

Emmett scooped Rosalie into his arms to take her somewhere else as well.

Alice and Jasper left, they seemed calm—holding hands.

I lay down beside Bella on the table. "You must understand why I'm doing this."

"I do. It just seems fair that you should understand me too."

I touched her cheek. "I told you I did."

"Understand that you can't abort it against my will."

_Triple pain._

"Bella, if it's killing you—"

"I won't let you pin me down, rip it out and burn it in the woods."

It actually would be something like that. Ruthless.

"I would hate that, I would."

She began to cry. I held my hand in place, wiping the tears with my thumb.

"I'm afraid of you…" She closed her eyes and shivered. "I'm imagining you pushing me down, with a hand over my mouth, to prevent me from screaming—while your brothers are holding my extremities as Carlisle is stabbing my gut—only to throw the baby alone to the floor. Our lovechild."

I saw the pain her eyes for the first time since she found out. It was my pain.

"I will die either way, Edward. And what would happen to our love if you turned your back on me?"

"I accept that you might not love me anymore—if I can save your life. You know I love you enough to leave you if you don't want me anymore."

"No baby and no you—you sure know the way to my happiness. That would kill me for sure. And you will be back at Volturi. I guess I see you in heaven then."

Sad but true.

I gathered my thoughts for a few minutes.

"I can give you children in other ways, donation or adoption."

"I don't care about that. It is not about having children. It is all about finding the pollen, choosing the bed, planting the seed and watching it in sprout—longing for it to blossom, in green and bronze..."

"Bella, I understand and agree with everything you say—it's just that I have an additional opinion, an additional love that is very important to me." I poked her nose with my finger.

I did not fight the urge to cuddle the stomach anymore. My hand found her soft skin under the layers of clothes. It felt natural to follow the shape of it.

Breathtaking.

"I can't stand the thought of loosing you. Every spit second of life—is love towards you. Especially lately. To remember that night, then you—telling me I will be a father to _our_ child. To watch myself turn into life inside of you… These mixed feelings make it all very difficult for me to handle. To know you're in jeopardy. At the same time feeling the heartbeats, go light as a feather, thumping at the top of my index finger—"

I rapidly nudged her stomach with my finger, remembering the distinctiveness of the heartbeats. She gasped for air.

"Please... Stay with me..." I whispered slowly.

We lingered in silence until she fell asleep.

It felt impossible. I had to come up with something. I felt calm somehow but new it was the moment speaking. As soon as the pregnancy would evolve my pain would make me lose control again. That repulsed me. But the attraction to that heartbeat was strong…

The love was inside her. The threat was inside her.

How would this number add up?

* * *

I'm torn. I'm writing on an additional 4 chapters and can predict 4 more after that.

What do you think? More pain? More love? More humor? Should I cut down some on the chapters? For instance, I have a chapter with Isle-Esme-Headboard-Emmett-Humor, fun, but I'm not sure it's suitable =)

Please review my work so I'll know if I'm heading in a good direction!


	6. The talk with Carlisle

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

_Edward? Is she asleep? Come out._ Carlisle's voice was strained.

I met him on the stairs. He looked torn.

_We should talk—hunt?_

"I don't want to leave her."

_Rosalie will be there._

I hissed distrustfully.

_She'll be fine. Esme is here for her too._ _We have to go._

I carefully moved Bella to our bed to tuck her in.

We darted the woods side by side. The woods were wet in a heavy mist. The air felt clean and fresh. Until a few moments ago I had been breathing thick air for a long time. First on Isle Esme. Then the whole way home. At every sight of _her_.

_Let's cut this short, shall we. Gather the facts…_ Carlisle slowed down and we were sliding forward instead.

"She loves this daemon, and wants it… If her health is at risk I want to take it out. She won't let me."

_Short alright. Good._ His mind was silent for a moment. _Edward, there is a alliance going on, everyone is taking sides._

"I know, but I shut most thoughts out today."

Carlisle didn't seem to respond to my words. That made me realize bad news was approaching. He was following an accomplished conversation. _Scenario number one is what everybody wants—that everything will work out great for her—and you can live as a family. Then the work will be about the delivery._

He seemed concerned.

_Scenario number two, she might obtain anything from this. Only time will tell. If that happens… I won't be there to take the baby out Edward. The alliance is very… Convincing._

I stalled. "What? Are you going to let her die?"

_It's not that simple, Edward. A strong baby kicking her—causing her pain won't be reason enough. There are some suffering put in that category. If she's stable she can't be touched. If she is seriously injured with falling vital signs—I'll do it of course. But as long as Bella breaths on her own…as you say. We will let the baby develop fully…_

I turned. Seriously considering pushing my fist through a tree.

"Who made up these rules about me and my wife?"

_It's a chain of love, Edward. Rosalie won't leave her side. The baby is her main purpose. You know why. She will go physical on you. And you know Emmett. Even if he is with you by heart—he will never neglect Rose in a dissection of the group._

Dissection of the group?

I saw Carlisle's pain—telling me those words. Everything he'd worked for.

_Esme… She feels… _

"I know."

_I have never been able to give her that Edward. She once had it—and lost it. She will love this child as if it where her own. Like she has loved you, Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper. She loves Bella too. A big part of my decision is to respect her wish. Esme would hate to harm her in any way—but she feels that a little time, support and… symptom relief could increase the chances. And I agree to that one. We have to be patient and see how far Bella can take this._

My mouth was a sharp line. "Alice?"

_Alice has lost her confidence since she can't see Bella's future at all. She is supportive with everybody more or less. And she won't intervene in a fight—_

"Jasper?"

_Is with her on that…_

"I guess that's fine. Let's watch her fade away," I murmured.

_Don't be unfair…_ _Bella is fine right now. And everybody will do anything for her at every obstacle. This is her wish too, remember. It's only about taking this as far as we can._

Maybe this was what I wanted too. Maybe the pain was a reaction to my ego—putting Bella's life aside for this child. I wasn't sure about the pain anymore, everything seemed to be pain. Either way everybody would hurt—it might as well be my wishes to ignore, not hers. Was the option to see her in pain of suffering this pregnancy—or in depression of losing this child? No, there was just one option left.

This was the one way street.

She would suffer. The only way she wouldn't was if _she_ changed her mind.

I found that very hard to believe.

The only thing that was certain was I would never leave her side through these events. Whatever she chose and experienced I would be there for her.

It felt impossible to be that strong. To sit and watch.

"I am all alone."

_I am by your side, always. I understand you. Your feelings aren't irrational. But imagine… the possibilities. I saw the love in your eyes myself—touching that heart beat, Edward. There isn't a daemon in there. It will be half human and half vampire, somehow. It will genetically be you and Bella._

The thought was appealing. But I despised Carlisle for wrapping this up to make me comfortable with the situation—because I wasn't.

_We don't turn backs against each other in this family. The first step is to discuss how we feel. Try to help each other. Our home is not a social battlefield. But it could turn out that way._

"I won't excuse my outbursts, my words or my pains of watching her suffer."

_Don't. You're entitled to your opinion._

I could see myself take this path every day, all over again. Joy, anger and pain overlapping each other.

No one was with me in this. And I could never fool myself to ignore the consequences and enjoy this moment with the others either. Every sight of her in pain would fuel my pain.

It was written in stone.

We hunted. But the distraction made the passion for it subside, it was routine and fruitless. I felt no thirst. It was less than a secondary need for now.

We met up again and Carlisle gained new courage.

_Do you see the aspects Edward?_

I watched him carefully. There was another chance of making things right?

_Bella is already prepared for a life in eternity. If she makes this through—with suffering, on the edge of her losing her life—we might be able to convert her before her heart stops beating. That's scenario number three. But again, only time will tell what injuries she may get. And it's not as controlled as we had planned, but the possibility is there. _

I never thought that far. But it felt obvious. "That's a given."

_Of course. I'm just saying that even if she is suffering and you want secure her human life—we can wait the pregnancy out and convert her when her life is on stake—and she will have some kind of life, as a vampire._

"It's too big of a risk. And she will be suffering all the way. We can't trust that to work. She might die before—"

_Yes. Bella's health could drop within seconds. The baby could injure her abdominal aorta and she will bleed out before we have a chance to diagnose her and take actions. The baby might live though…_

I exhaled roughly to the idea and made a snorting sound.

I saw her lifeless body in our arms. We were desperately trying to change her with no effort. Her heart wasn't beating.

"I can't take this anymore! She will die!"

My fist cut right through the tree I aimed for. I felt nothing.

_Please, Edward, look at me. We don't know anything for sure. But the risk is bigger than it is small. We don't know anything._

Kaure.

"This has happened before."

_What now?_

"I am not sure. But Kaure figured it out on the island."

_What are you trying to say? Relax and tell me from the start._

"As you know she is part Ticuna Indian. She remembers legends since she was a child. About a woman who was slaughtered at child birth, by her own child. The pregnancy was induced by rape. The outcast who raped her escaped and was never found."

Carlisle released his prepared posture to change direction of the conversation.

"This was several generations of legends, which makes it old. But it might be true. Other legends filled in their blanks which lead to our kind. No one ever heard or knew anything about the child. She couldn't tell me much more than that the mother would die."

Carlisle looked thoughtful. _Interesting…_

Mythology was not a good laugh in our social groups. Everything was about the sources. Indians were among the more fundamental species. The Quileute tribe of La Push was a respectable source, for instance.

_Well, it's not impossible that this could have happened before. But think about it, if this was centuries ago—the resources and the knowledge were probably poor, and with me being able to control this—it certainly increases the chances. So in that way it might not mean so much. For all we know—she delivered that baby by her self—unprepared. No vampires in hand who practiced medicine._

A small grin on his face tried to put me down on earth.

I sighed. I hated Carlisle in one way. He always found the perfect answer. It infuriated me. He sure knew how it affected me.

"Well, the story tells you _how _the birth will proceed if you don't help her."

_The birth part I'll do. I promise you. I'll do my homework to be prepared._

"You better."

I had no smile to offer. Instead I threw a light punch to his shoulder.

He smiled.

_Just in case I want us all to be prepared do help out during the delivery. We should all be well-read. Alice won't be able to help out. Her head is turning for the worse, being this close to Bella—but that's another story._

He put his arm on my shoulders. We stood there for a few minutes as he watched my personal inferno. Then he gave me a big hug before racing me back to the house.

* * *

Thank you all for reading =) More to come


	7. Honeymoon

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

We all spent the next day in the living room, unwinding. I began to let thoughts back into my head. Everybody was following their own path change. How the baby would affect their lives. I blocked their interpretations of our relationship, how they thought this would turn out for me and Bella.

Carlisle had told her the aspects. He made sure that she was aware of the risks—that was his only condition for listening to Esme and Rosalie. Bella should have the chance to consider the alternatives herself. So she had the chance to make an informed decision.

Thank you, Carlisle.

Bella, my warrior queen, just bit her bottom lip and looked at me anxiously.

I looked the other way.

"Ok," she said. "Sounds good to me. I'll be one of you anyway."

I sighed and felt the frustration rise.

I clutched my hand to a fist.

_Please Edward. Let's rest for a while. Don't get all worked up again._ Esme was torn by her decision. She felt guilty when she met my gaze; she knew I did not approve of her opinion—and that was rare. We were probably most alike of all of us. But not now.

I _was_ alone.

The channels on TV did not catch the interest of anyone. Once in a while someone sighed or muttered. Esme was restless. She always felt the need to entertain us.

"So, Bella. Did you like my island?"

The question made me curious. I turned to look at her again.

"I _loved_ it!" She smiled at Esme. "It is wonderful."

"I'm glad you liked it." Esme smiled back at her. "It was an anniversary gift from Carlisle."

"Yes, Edward told me the story." Bella relocated to lean on my shoulder, holding my arm. We looked at each other. I had told her about that the time when we were walking the beach around the island.

I wondered if it was that moment she thought about.

Esme was in seventh heaven. "So did he carry you over the threshold?"

"Of course he did," she giggled. "All the way."

"All the way…?" Jasper asked.

Bella hesitated and became uncomfortable. "Er, from the boat, I guess."

"Towards…?" Alice chimed.

She flushed lightly. Everybody could hear her heart beat faster. I was staring at her for a few seconds before leaning over to kiss the top of her head.

_Poor thing._ Esme was concerned. _I shouldn't have asked…_

"Er, that white room…" Bella looked away to avoid eye contact with anyone except me.

A few chuckles released some of the tension in the room.

I was almost smiling.

I closed my eyes to re-establish the salty breeze from the opened doors hitting my chest as I pulled my shirt off, walking towards the ocean. I could still hear the sound of her footsteps in the wet sand. Once again I saw her naked body as I did for the first time. That was doubtless the most intense moment of my life.

This was analgesics.

"It's a very beautiful house, Esme," she said to even things out.

_Not as beautiful as you…_

_Talking a stroll down memory lane, Edward?_ Emmett hinted. I hated that he interrupted me. But I was expecting this.

"Forget it," I hissed.

Bella looked cautiously at me—wondering what I was talking about.

_Come on, she's a human for God's sake._ Emmett tormented my mind by asking a line of more or less private questions.

"I won't answer that. Get out of my head," I murmured.

Bella buried her face to my chest. She probably knew.

"Leave them alone, Emmet. I know it's you. It's always you." Esme glared at Emmett. She turned to Bella. "The island is yours whenever you want to go back. All you have to do is ask."

"Thank you, I would love to," Bella said, not lifting her head from my chest. "I wasn't ready to leave just yet."

"I understand that you left in a hurry—don't worry about the cleaning. I understand." Esme was desperately trying to make her comfortable again.

Bella started to twitch in my arms.

"Are you alright?" I asked anxiously.

I pushed her from my chest to find her pretty face in wrinkles and with a restrained grin on her lips. Soon she released the laugh.

What was this about?

"I thought about that thing you did. Things, I mean." She was clearly hinting towards something embarrassing.

"Yeah, what are those things Bella?" Emmett laughed with her. "Let's hear it!"

I lifted my eyebrows at her, questioning her outburst.

"You know very well." She poked me in the stomach with her finger.

I scanned my mind for something that I did which could be that funny to her in all this misery.

Oh, that thing.

I crinkled my nose.

"Do we have to speak about that _now_?" I asked.

"Sorry," she grinned. "I thought it might improve the ambiance in here."

I sighed. "You just want to embarrass me."

"Of course," she said in a soft voice. "Would you give me that one?"

_Come on, you wimp._ Emmett's thoughts were as jocular as his voice.

Well, this wasn't as much of a problem as everything else.

"Sorry." First I took a good look at Bella—showing that she would pay for this—before watching Esme. "I might have to reimburse you for a couple of things."

Esme seemed worried. "Did something break?"

I hesitated—did anyone want to hear this?

No doubt.

This family was not sexually withdrawn. After decades of living together we had a small amount of secrets and no subject was sensitive enough not to discuss.

I took a deep breath. "Some pillows were kind of… ruined."

"No harm in that Edward. Don't worry." She smiled and watched Bella's smirk. "It certainly must have been a fun moment."

Was it fun beating up my wife and infect her with death?

I choked.

Bella was waiting for me to fill in the rest—

After a few seconds she sighed loudly and watched me with no patience. "I thought it was funnier when Edward tore the headboard to pieces."

A series of laughter's filled the room.

I guess that one was on me.

"Why would you do that Edward?" Esme asked.

"Oh, come on!" Emmett laughed. "Get the picture."

Esme was silent but soon a smile appeared on her face. "It's fine, though."

Regardless of our roller coaster honeymoon, I was amused by this conversation.

Was Bella going to pay for it?

Yes.

She can take it.

"You might think this is funny _now_, that I did that, given that you weren't aware of me doing it at the time," I smiled perceptively then blinked at her.

She buried her face to my chest and moaned quietly.

"Oh, really?" Alice sparkled.

Had I been _too _harsh?

I laughed lightly and kissed her head again.

"Those are not the words of a gentleman, Edward," Esme declared. But the look in her eyes was kind. _Love to see that smile again, Edward._

It was a temporary thing.

Very temporary.

* * *

I just had to puzzle this in for Emmett. Haha.


	8. A man's best friend

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

This was a difficult one...!

* * *

Many days passed by. It was habitual with a lot of anxiety in the air. We watched TV, we slept. At least Bella slept, but hardly ate. One and another egg or sandwich would go down, but most of it came back up.

Once in a while I stared at her, trying to convince her, but she looked back at me with a beaming smile on her face. And she comforted me with her soft hands. How could she want to touch me after this? It wasn't sexually, but I was repulsed by the idea of her patting the Grim Reaper himself.

Over and over we shared these moments. We were unable to break through to each other. She knew I was in pain, but all she did was to tell me not to be worried. Easier said than done. Our rather silent companionship never grew into an argument though.

No tension.

We still loved each other deeply. Anything else was impossible.

The days got tougher. The weight loss made me anxious. I saw Bella's stomach grow bigger, while she got smaller herself. Her hips were straight. The soft curves of her body were evened out. Her normal hue was a memory. She was a whiter shade of pale, literally.

She was hollow.

The first bruise came. Her pain along with it.

I desperately tried to convince her—again. With words this time. But the begging and the sobbing made her anxious or even more confident. I didn't feel much support in the others. Esme and Alice were worried, but never spoke to me about it. Carlisle felt uncomfortable being around everyone. The pregnancy was a mystery. And his feelings were torn between saving her life, to please his wife and watch the creature grow to life. Grow to death.

I despised myself. At every sight of her I felt a gush of human feelings I'd never felt before. I didn't care to identify them.

Her stomach in deep blue spots told me enough.

The sight of those bruises would bring anyone else to save her from this misery—but no, not these ghosts I lived and breathed with.

Carlisle distinctively said that it was in the category of suffering. And that it was inevitable. The pregnancy developed fast. When he realized she didn't seem to gain any strength by intravenous nutrition, I noticed that he kept a distance to me, since I heard his thoughts—it was ineffective. He was worried. I let him go, just to get away from the thoughts he had.

I did not want the medical verdict.

To hold her hand through this was the only thing driving me forwards. The braids of pain and joy I felt a week earlier were buried by now. This was all pain. I kept a distance to everyone except her.

As the pain grew stronger, I realized how strong my love for her was.

Anything could happen. Everything got worse.

At this time—I would have done anything to prevent this from happening.

We were in the couch watching some movie—I did not pay much attention to it—when I heard his thoughts.

_I will kill him. I'm sure of it. I'll drag him out to the woods…_

Jacob Black.

"Jacob Black is approaching." As soon as I said the words I heard the sounds of a motorcycle. Everybody gathered downstairs.

"Jacob!" Bella panted. "Really?"

The mood in the room became uncertain and defensive.

_I'll meet him up._ Carlisle went out the door to greet him. He was trying to convince him to leave, but he refused. He was convinced that Bella was a vampire—and was here for that revenge.

_Just wait and see Jacob Black…_

"Are we keeping secrets from Jacob, too? What's the point?" Bella requested that we should invite him inside. To tell him everything.

Rosalie lost her temper and started walking around the room before settling next to us by the coach. She was imagining the same things I once had. Wrenching his neck.

Jacob entered the room determined, but jolted and hesitated when his eyes hit my face; I was looking the other way. _What's with you—leech? You look_ _like someone set you on fire._

I saw my torched face in his mind. I fell on my knees so burry the face to Bella's knees.

Did I feel relieved or afraid about this?

_Just get it over with._

Bella, touching my cheek alongside with Rosalie's reinforcement threw Jacobs thoughts in different directions. As she eventually stood up I let my kneeling body sink into the couch. Burying my misery in the cushions. My body was set into flames. The distinct blaze. Familiar to me now. I _had_ feared his reaction to Bella's condition.

I felt ashamed.

_There is no way she can be pregnant. Not that pregnant.... Except, she is pregnant…_ He was about to vomit to the recognition.

Every thought he brought to my attention was identical to my own.

Disease.

Love.

Hate.

Her worn body.

Sickness.

Disgust.

Monster.

_Just like I am. _

Death.

The thing, _which_ was killing her.

Murderer.

_Just like I was._

I growled and flew off the couch, onto my feet. "Outside, Jacob."

Jacob Black was the only thing left in this world who could give me an ounce of hope. His connection to Bella was strong. She trusted him. He loved her. Would he be able to talk sense into her?

"Let's do this," he murmured. _What kind of sick twisted thing is this? I'll take you down, you wicked bloodsucker._

Emmet and Jasper came up alongside me. Jacob Black was still about to fight me. Not for Bella being a vampire. Since she wasn't one. He had changed course to kill me for this instead.

Appealing.

I caught Bella's anxiety over the fact. No. There could only be conversation. "I just need to talk to him, Bella," I said to calm her.

We were moving quickly away from the house. We were alone and I saw, heard and felt the adrenaline run through his body—preparing.

"I'm not ready for you to kill me yet, Jacob Black. You'll have to have a little patience."

_I don't care about your schedule._ His murmured bitterness under his breath.

He finally got me into the woods. As soon as I had told him everything he withdrew his preparations for an attack. He calmed down and understood we were on the same page.

The small amount of hope got me speaking liberally.

I promised him everything, if he could change her mind. I told him there could be him and Bella. I told him there could be puppies instead. I told him I'd do anything. I told him I'd tried everything. The baby had to go. I felt the despair construct words I never had reflected about.

I did not care.

_I will do anything, Bella._

Just. Don't. Die.

Jacob Black was as stupid as always. He never realized that the conversation was a sobbing on his shoulders. A desperate cry for help. He imagined them as the happily ever after couple. But his reaction was good enough—he would talk to her. If any of those things would work out good for her—fine. I had earned it. Since everything was my fault.

I shook his hand to end the agreement. I was grateful that someone got on my side. Jacob Black was suddenly my best friend. I contemplated to hug the poor bastard, wrestle him or laugh with him. I was glad to see him. I caught myself—actually liking him. He was a foolish boy to me, but in some way he got to me. His character never tried to affect me in to liking him—but I liked him anyway.

Almost like a brother, taking a part of the pain for sharing.

That we could share. But the thought of sharing Bella felt worse.

If only she could stay alive. Stay married to me… Somehow.

What would she think about all of this?

Well.

She thought Jacob was ridiculous.

Should invite Charlie next?

I hardly believe she would cave in to anyone.

I was relieved though, by her nonchalance to Jacob's offers.

If I had the time to reflect I would have known that he would never be able to persuade her. The dog was a waste of time. Undependable. Juvenile.

I was both glad and despaired about his failure. She still loved me, somehow. It was still me and her. Not even a crisis like this one could divide us. Every night she fell asleep in my arms. Every day she treated me like I was an object of adoration. It only made me feel worse. She was still choosing the monster. The monsters. Truth be told, is she mentally stable?

She was dying.

And that was much more stationary than my infinite kind of death.

I had several opportunities to change her to that.

_I _felt mentally instable, not to have taken those chances.

* * *

I try not to take too much from BD. Only parts from the dialogue. I realize Jacob is a litte distant in this chapter. But I feel that Edward in misery probably makes him even more self-centered, he couldn't care less about anything else than Bella and his own misery, so no conversations feel truly alive... What is your opinion on that?


	9. Blood, anger and Carlisle

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

I'll spell it demon - not daemon from now on... =)

* * *

The others were productive, studying for the big test. I had a few years of theoretical experiences with medicine—a few decades old but it was carved in my mind forever—and only used a few hours during Bella's sleep to study the specifics. Veins, arteries and blood flows of the human abdomen, fetus and placenta. And the current knowledge of medications and medical supplies.

Carlisle had set Esme and Rosalie up for the part as nurses. Emmett and Jasper did a lot of research both on the internet and in Carlisle's study. They would alongside with Alice include the miscellaneous crew, making sure the right equipment was available and functioning on the big day. I realized that they would also be guarding our strongest urge. At any sight of blood thirst Emmett would cut in. As much as I did think about it—I only visualized him and Jasper struggle outside in the hallway—since Jasper would be the only individual not prioritizing Bella and the baby in a moment of thirst.

Carlisle encouraged me to play the part as Anesthesiologist. I would also be his left hand—the surgeon's assistant. Because there would be surgery. He explained that the risks of a typical delivery were to be much more dangerous for Bella. Otherwise, in humankind it often was the other way around. A baby goes under a great amount of stress going down the birth canal, he said. And if a _newborn_ vampire was under stress—it would react instinctive—trying to cut loose. Carlisle did not have to explain further or convince anyone that a cesarean was the right way to go.

Not even Bella who only had a vaginal vampire birth and purgatory left for an adrenaline rush.

As I left our bedroom to do some studying I passed Carlisle's office.

He was flashing through an ancient volume of leather books, looking for whatever he could find. The covers were torn but the hand-stitched binding of the book was unbreakable. _Birth… Cesarean… Succubus… Vampire… Placenta…_

I slowed down by the door.

"What are you going to do about this? She keeps losing weight. She is weak. She will never make this through." I wore the deadpan face I had been wearing for days.

_I know… Edward. This worries me greatly too. I'm doing the best I can. You know I can't change her mind…_

"Maybe—you made the wrong choice from the start." I hissed. "Congratulations, you killed my wife."

_That was not entirely my choice to make. You know that. Don't be unfair. I hate watching her suffer too. I really do. With you being married—she is like a daughter to me now._

I heard her sigh and turn in the bed.

"Well, you are a lousy father figure not even arguing _her_ best interests."

Carlisle was hurt but my accusation. I knew he was hurt about Bella's condition. But it felt liberating to blame somebody. Maybe it was unfair blaming _him_; he was the only reasonable vampire here. And he was _the_ father figure. Almost the only father I had in my life…

Why did I pick him for this?

_Thank you, Edward._ Carlisle kept on with his book.

I stared at him. I did not have the strength to back out and apologize, that would ravage me. I couldn't let myself be emotional.

_We'll keep on trying with the intravenous nutrition. We have to be careful though, her heart takes damage more and more every day. And she doesn't like the needles. The blood tests I did get from her weren't good…_

"I'll make sure she approves from now on." I murmured. "Oh sorry—am I allowed to? Should I consider Rosalie's opinion first? I don't want to upset anyone by keeping Bella's health in an acceptable condition."

He sighed, looking tired. _Talk to Bella. She'll give in if you tell her it's the best for the baby, which it is. Explain and she'll understand. I keep measuring and I have a pretty good idea it's just a few days left now…_

A few days?

That might be all time I had left with her. Maybe even less.

I heard her sigh again with a light moan.

"I need to go to her now. She's up." I turned to walk out.

_Edward…_

"Yes." I said without turning around.

_I know you hurt. Try—keeping it to yourself. Everyone feels bad about this. It doesn't make it easier on us—you being unreasonable._

I turned to glare odiously at him before rushing back to Bella.

My body wobbled as soon as I opened the door to the dark bedroom. I stiffened and nearly crushed the wall when I trembled to find the light switch. The thick air made my dead body produce adrenaline and fear. I left the lights off, not wasting more than a scrap of a second trying to find the switch and rushed to her on the big bed.

Blood.

"Bella! Bella!"

I obviously scared her, rumbling in at that rate. She was stunned but a few wrinkles in her face told me she was in pain.

I heard the others coming and freeze at the door.

_Oh no. Not again. Not that smell. Please. Try…_ Jaspers thoughts were irregular as nervous breathing while he caught the crimson scent.

"Get Jasper away from this house. Emmett!" I shouted at him.

I quickly turned back to Bella. "Are you in pain!?"

She moaned again. "Some. It stings."

I ripped the sheets of the bed and saw a puddle of blood on the white sheet. It was gigantic, a few inches across.

"You are bleeding, Bella!" I shouted.

She gasped.

Could she see that in the dark?

Carlisle's words broke my paralysis. "Get her to the study." He turned to Alice. "Burn the sheets."

I lifted her carefully of the bed but moved rapidly to the study. Bella vomited on the floor by the table because of the head rush. But this was an urgent situation. I could hardly wait for Carlisle, moving too slowly to believe.

"What are you doing? Get over here!" I shouted. "We have to take the baby out—NOW!" I took Bella's anguished face in my hands. "I won't let this thing harm you anymore! Bella, listen to me. This is enough!"

Bella effortlessly tried to pull away from me.

"No..." she breathed in weakness.

"CARLISLE!" I growled with a deep voice.

He finally appeared.

"Wind down Edward, this is not the emergency room," he said as he slammed the door shut in the face of the others. _She is almost certainly fine._

Bella relaxed.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked. My voice was acid.

Carlisle walked towards us, screaming. _CALM DOWN! Don't upset her more than necessary!_ Apparently he had gained a new quality.

I murmured as he confidently sat on the chair by the bed. He and his bedside manners… He had met with patients for _countless_ years. This was his passion. This was typical. One instance he was on my page, the next with Esme and then he was the doctor again. Impossibly curious and eager to learn about mankind.

Traitor.

Probably believes his is God himself.

"Bella. We'll not make any rushed decisions. I ought to examine you though." He seemed anxious and looked towards me. "Get Esme, you can wait outside." _I don't need that temper of yours in here for this._

"I'm staying."

"I want him here," Bella pleaded.

_Behave then._ Carlisle looked at me as a slap on the wrist_._ "Of course. Esme?"

Esme came in. She took Bella's other hand and touched her hair softly and whispered calmly to her. Bella was mortified by the fact that he had to examine her private parts but did agree as soon as he told her it was for the baby's sake.

White lie.

Excellent lie.

She blushed and covered her face with her forearms as he began the examination. "This is _really_ disturbing," she moaned.

I kept staring at Carlisle the whole time.

Not sure if it was frustration or my pain that made me hate him this bad.

He hurried through the exam to reduce her unease._ The bleeding has stopped. There was a small rupture to the cervix._

"Are you in pain?" I asked tensely.

"No—for the fiftieth time," she murmured. "Are you done yet?" She was restlessly clutching my hand over and over.

"Yes." He withdrew the instruments and covered her with a towel. "There was some bleeding from the cervix. Probably from the baby kicking or from the escalating pressure from the uterus. The bleeding has stopped."

Bella lowered her arms and sighed.

"Is the baby alright?"

"Yes. This was damage to you," Carlisle said. "I have to put you on strict bed rest. We will take you wherever. You can sit down in the bathroom or when you're eating—otherwise I want you lying down."

"Fun," Bella sighed.

She was impossible with everything. Everything was a struggle.

"Would you do it for me?" I pleaded. "Look what I am going through for you. This is a small request."

"He is right, Bella," Carlisle said and he flipped the switch again—back to my turf. "And we don't want you to go into premature labor." _She'll like that one…_

She sighed, caressed my hand with her thumb. "Sure. I wouldn't want that."

I couldn't stand watching her.

Enough.

"I'm sorry Carlisle, for everything," I said and walked out of there. I needed to retreat to my own misery.

_I know son. I know._ He was dejected.

* * *

Other things than Jacob's experiences actually occurred these days...! I can't bore you with stuff you have already read.


	10. The Bloody Mary

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

Two things troubled me.

One was less serious, only annoying.

The dog never leaved.

The other was decisive. She turned for the worst. She could hardly move anymore. Carlisle had to hook her up to monitors. No food would go down. She vomited at the faintest smell. She was more than pallid. Her heart was weak, beating irregularly. Carlisle had predicted from the start that the heart would take damage from fast increase of body fluids. Ironic, since she was severely dehydrated and had been walking that path for days. I guess the heart was failing from everything now.

I was numb. I hardly noticed the pain anymore. It was always there. It was a part of me now. I saw the end of the tunnel. Every time our eyes met it felt like a farewell. But she never said goodbye.

She repetitively patted the huge, blue and eggplant, bulge of hers.

I was disgusted.

The bulge was disgusting.

_I am disgusting._

Carlisle spoke with Jacob, being close to depression himself. "Everything about her condition is accelerated. I'm watching her—and not just her, but the fetus as well—starve to death by the hour. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. I can't figure out what it wants."

The tension and anger rose in Jacob day by day. _Isn't it enough for the monster to beat her from the inside out. No it has to starve her too. It is probably looking for something to sink his teeth into—a throat to suck dry._

The monster did not need a throat; it would suck her dry right on the spot. It already had. That wasn't my Bella anymore. The girl in the final stages with a death wish was someone else. Fighting for the survival of a monster with a smile on her face. She was still looking forward to the birth of the child.

If it was a child.

Those fast heartbeats I felt might as well have belonged to an animal, a human, an anchorman, a serial killer or a truck driver—anyone—I couldn't care less about it. Only one heart kept my body sentient. As the fragile heartbeats became more irregular, the weaker I was too. Without her heart I had nothing left.

And the monster I had created took that heart away from me. I had killed her myself. The greatest moment of my life created the worst possible moment of my life. And the worst possible moment got worse every minute.

It _was_ a bloodsucker like I was. Couldn't it have inherited my passion for music, my hair color, my birth mothers freckles, my—

Blood. Sucker.

Could it be as simple as that?

I got Carlisle, Jacob and Rosalie to the other room. Leaving Bella with Esme, I didn't want to disgust Bella with what I was about to say. That I was excited. It was like finding the last hair on a balled man's head.

"Jacob had an interesting idea of that the fetus wants."

According to Jacob's thoughts he did not know what I meant about it. _Me? What did I say? Or have you been going through my head again?_

I moved on. "Her body is accepting food about as well as one of ours would… Perhaps we should address the needs of the fetus first?"

"I'm not following you, Edward," Carlisle put his curious face on. _The fetus lives through her, and if she's not strong enough—_

"Think about it, Carlisle. If that creature is more vampire than human, can you get what it craves—what it's not getting? Jacob did."

Carlisle stopped breathing. _Oh… you think._ He gathered the words. "You think it's… thirsty?" _I wonder how we best should try that theory. A blood transfusion—_

"Of course, we have all that type O negative blood laid aside," Rosalie was suddenly excited instead of protective. _I'll get the blood right now!_

Carlisle watched her. "Sure, what would be the best way to administer…?" He reflected. _Blood transfusions in that amount won't be good for her…_

"The traditional way!?" Rosalie was eager with a fanatical smile on her face.

The proposal was a lot to take in for everybody. Jacob made a strained face.

"Monstrous?" I asked. "Repulsive?"

"Pretty much."

"But what if it helps her?" I congregated the string of hope and my love for Bella and watched him with intent.

He couldn't object to that one.

This was a shot for life.

Bella could barely reach for the cup in Carlisle's hand. She was too weak to lift her head from the bed.

"We could try another method," Carlisle tried. _She looks terrified…_

"No." Bella whispered. "We don't have time…"

A first attempt at health.

All of us were paralyzed when she deliberately sniffed the end of the straw. She flinched and her face made the most active expression so far today.

I suffered with her.

This was my fault. My actions made her drink that. The blood in the cup made my throat grasp but I knew it caused queasiness for her.

"Bella, sweetheart, we can find an easier way." I tried to take the cup away. I hoped that Carlisle had feeding tubes available.

We _had to_ figure this out.

"No. that's not it…" She seemed astounded now. "It's just that it—it smells good."

Good?

My chin dropped.

This girl sure was one of a kind. First, she could seize the scent of blood, and now—she thought it smelled good. Second, I was unable to read her mind. She could impossible be human. There is something else about her. She was a peculiar creature. A very admirable one.

Her lips surrounded the straw; she closed her eyes and creased her face. She would walk through fire for this child. I heard the sound of her sucking the blood from the cup, then her moan.

Disgust.

I took two quick steps forward. "Bella, love—"

"I'm okay," she whispered. She opened her eyes and met mine. She seemed surprised, thoughtful… remorseful. "It… tastes good too."

She was illimitable.

She was everything.

I carefully held her worn face and looked into her eyes. It was still my Bella in there. No one else could astonish me like she could. And she didn't even know.

She frenetically tried to empty the cup.

"Excellent." Rosalie beamed.

Yes.

It felt like my heart started beating—or was it Bella's that became stronger and more regular? I felt a rush of serenity. Her heart _was_ beating in a normal pace. I exchanged glances with Carlisle who also noticed.

He smiled briefly. _It sure has an effect on her… You hear the heart?_

I nodded.

Maybe…

Jacob was irritable about the fact that she liked the blood and chose to pick on me to relieve his discontent. Picking on me for being a bad liar, persuading himself that our primal wish right now was to rip the cup away from her and finally he convinced himself that I would have annoyed the crap out of her if I was able to read her mind.

His frustration was as substantial as his atrocious reek.

Amusement.

I chuckled.

Bella stopped drinking instantly and looked at my smiling face. Her face was suddenly happy too. And I felt our strong bond push itself towards love instead of survival. She was glowing.

"Something funny?"

"Jacob." It felt like my eyes told her a thousand words and my mouth a single one.

"Jake's a crack-up," she smiled at him briefly.

Sort of.

I wonder why I liked him since I felt dislike to. Maybe that was jealousy. Right now, I was glad he screwed the lid off my jar. Releasing an ounce of more pain—second time now. I realized it was a quality of his. He probably didn't know about it himself. That he was the kind of person who sheered someone up by being himself.

I experienced it now.

Bella had experienced that.

Their relationship grew strong then. Ours grew strong now.

Well, we'd always discussed the fact of acquiring a family pet.

Fetch Jake! Good boy.

The smile lingered behind my face as I saw Bella's skin shift in pink, she was moving normally in the bed. As she got the second cup she was sitting up on her own.

We were all captivated by the sight of her quick recovery.

This was working.

* * *

The next chapter is... amazing. One of my favorite parts of the whole Twilight saga.


	11. To hear my unborn child's thoughts

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

A sweet, longer and magical chapter...

I absolutely loved writing this one!

* * *

Two ribs and the pelvis.

No, it was not what the dog had for lunch. Those were the bones of Bella's body which was broken by the monster's kicks. I had no words left. There were no words greater than that pain.

None.

Only Carlisle's stupid voice bounced in my head. _Category of suffering. _

At least she was nourished.

The depression was a dark blanket. Making all interpretations and conversations washed out. But I heard the sound of the dog and Rosalie teasing around, that didn't escape me. Their thoughts leaned towards pleasure. Their amusement haunted me. Rosalie liked him. That sure was illogical. But I was too disconnected to reply to it. Jacob liked her too. The teasing was his analgesic.

I could let him have some of that.

My analgesic on the other hand—was not enough. I had habituated it.

Sex.

The memories were appealing. But those feelings didn't apply to my current condition. They didn't catch my attention anymore. It felt inappropriate too…

The fantasizing.

Sigh.

The endless squabbling _never_ ended. I was stuck in this house with the dog and Rosalie. It was punishment. It became a mockery to my misery. Alice kept to herself and Bella was bearable just lying on the couch. The others were of hunting. At least some breathing creatures let me rest.

I tried to detach myself from all stimuli. Pointless though. The squabble kept cutting through.

_Finally_ Bella reacted and said: "Enough, Jacob."

He became distraught due to that comment."You want me to take off?"

His disappointment amused me.

Yes mongrel, beat it.

"No! Of course not!"

I sighed.

What was this obsession of hers? Every time he came around she was in ecstasy. I did not like that. The image of it was absurd. I know a few more had noticed the tie. It wasn't about love it was more of a craving. Like she couldn't breathe without him. And he couldn't breathe without her. She thought of him as family. She could have asked me first before praising him and welcoming him into this house.

Jealousy was a caress in my torched soul at this time.

I tried to exclude all stimuli again. I closed my eyes and thought about nothing, a blank page, a dark night, a silent forest… Unfamiliar pictures interrupted my inner journey. I saw parts of something. It was red, water… I tried to wag them away.

Unknowing.

Something I heard also interrupted my efforts to relax. _Mmm…_ And a giggle.

I opened my eyes, staring at Bella. Was that her? "Did you say something?"

She seemed astonished by my sudden outburst.

"Me? I didn't say anything?"

The giggle again. I leaned towards her. I was sure I heard that giggle. It sure wasn't Rosalie or Alice; I knew the voice of their thoughts darn well. It sure wasn't Jacob Black giggling. It couldn't be…

"What are you thinking about right now?" I felt wound up—had I found a way to her mind? She was still astonished. Silent.

Answer for God's sake, Bella!

"Nothing. What's going on?"

I listened impatiently but heard nothing this time. The frustration rose.

"What were you thinking about a minute ago?"

"Just… Esme's Island. And feathers."

I shut the images of that memory out. The giggle appeared again, it was clear this time, earning all my attention. _Ahhh… Ihhh…_ My mouth fell open to the sounds. They seemed to be connected to her voice. Was I able to hear… her emotions? Peculiar, I couldn't before.

"Say something else," I whispered in the complete silence.

"Like what? Edward, what's going on?"

_Ay ay ay... Ihhh… Hihi…_ The giggle again. It was laughter. A small laugher. That wasn't Bella's laughter; it was a laughter that _responded_ to her. Thoughts used to match up with the voice of someone. This voice was clear and soft. Infancy. I stared at her face for a second before tracing my gaze down to the big bulge where her hands resided. It couldn't be…

I put my hands around the bulge next to Bella's—the first time since the bruises.

Jacob. _Oh…! What is he doing?_

Rosalie. _Whoa!?_

It was extraordinary. I tried to gather the new information. Focusing. It was the sound of _my child_.

I saw a very brief image of a hand in the wet redness…

A small hand.

That was out of this world.

"The f—" I nearly smothered myself to this realization. "It…" I was sure, it was the child. That hand… "The baby likes the sound of your voice."

"Holy crow, you can hear him!" Bella shrieked.

Everything happened rapidly. The reddish image again. Black. A fast glimpse of a twitching leg. Black again. A brief image of a petit foot hitting the red wall. She winced to the pain. It kicked Bella, surprised by her outburst. I actually saw it happen.

Startling.

_It should be right about here…_ I found the spot on her huge stomach and started to rub it. "You startled it…him," I hushed her and kept rubbing. I wasn't sure if I was comforting her or if I was assembling a…

A first hello to the child…

That piece of me.

And her.

Bella was patting the stomach with her hands close to mine. "Sorry baby," she said.

I let my head sink down until my cheek touched the warm skin of her stomach; the electricity of the touch sharpened my senses. Sharpened the experience.

"What's he thinking now?" Bella was eager.

The child giggled again. _Ihhh… Mmmmm… Mm…_ The sound was joy. The sound was so pleased and… Innocent. Beautiful. The positive sense of the diffuse thoughts was apparent.

"It…he or she, is…" I looked up at Bella. Our faces were the same. Her astonishment was mine. "He's happy" I said with a cautious voice.

So was Bella. Her tears ran down her face in an unattainable rate, but she was silent. God, I adored her. I felt the devotion soar. It was a bright light accompanied the reddish pictures of a little hand struggling in the water. That giggle, the look in Bella's eyes. My heart ached. The blaze was sharp and accelerating. I felt such a strong attachment to them. I felt the bonds to the rest of my family slip away. I dug up that braid of joy and ripped the pain away from it. I tied a knot of that joy—creating a shell. Our nest of three. Family.

I felt unbelievable powerful.

Impossible…

"Of course you're happy, pretty baby, of course you are. How could you not be, all safe and warm and loved?" Tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Her hands were either caressing the stomach or my hands. If this was her feeling the whole time… "I love you so much, little EJ, of course you're happy," she added.

EJ?

I flinched away from my delusion.

"What did you call him?"

She flushed and seemed guilty. "I sort of named him. I didn't think you would want… well you know."

No, I _did_ not want that.

Before _this_ I didn't.

"EJ?" I staggered.

"Your father's name was Edward, too."

And my grandfathers, actually. I was content to that wish of hers. It felt honorable. I liked the tradition of it. I was glad Bella recognized the old fashioned custom as well. Edward Cullen…

I just hoped that the "J" was for Junior…

It better be.

"Yes, it was. What—?"

_Ihhh… Mmmmm... Ay ay… Ihhh…_ The giggle again. It… It seemed like it responded to _me_ this time… I wasn't open to that possibility. Who was I to the child? But then I heard fragments of my own voice in its thoughts.

"Hmm," I said.

"What?" Bella sounded eager.

"He likes my voice, too."

I felt thrilled that he did.

"Of course he does." Her face was joyful. Her smile was a galaxy. Looking at her was like being airborne through a black hole. "You have the most beautiful voice in the universe. Who wouldn't love it?"

It felt like my heart was about to start beating. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

She was a goddess.

"Do you have a backup plan?" I hadn't noticed Rosalie, leaning over the back of the couch. "What if he's a she?"

Bella broke our engaging eye contact and dried her tears. "I kicked a few things around. Playing with Renée and Esme." She hesitated. "I was thinking Runéesmay."

Ru-nées-may?

"Runezzmaeh?" Rosalie repeated. _Hmm, strange one… Runezzmaeh?_

Run-ezz-maeh?

Did I get that right?

The poor girl would have a bunch of carrots for lunch at school. And orange stains all over the back of her jacket.

Really, Bella?

"R-e-n-e-s-m-e-e. Too weird?"

Renesmee? Better. I tested the name. Renesmee... I liked the sound of it.

Renesmee Cullen.

Sweet. Suitable.

"No, I like it." Rosalie's motherly character took me by surprise. _I love this child Edward… Thank you… It… it means a lot._ Her smiling face next to Bella's was a striking picture. _I'll have to get used to the name though… But it's not that bad. _"It's beautiful. And one of a kind, so that fits," she answered Bella.

Bella's thoughts were somewhere else. "I still think he's an Edward."

Could I find out the sex of the baby? Difficult one. My eyes wandered off to focus on the sounds and vision from the baby. If only I could see more pictures.

_Open your eyes, baby, open your eyes…_

I saw a red wall. Then black again. A light whimper. Some of the red again…

I tensed. Prepared for another image.

"What? "What's he thinking now?" I guess Bella noticed my concentration.

I kept focusing on the baby.

Red. Black. Red. Water. A picture of an angled hand. The image stayed for a little longer this time. I could see the small fingers bending and grope around in the water.

I gasped.

_Ihhh… Aaa…_ That sound again. It was pleased. The image appeared again and I clearly saw the fingers reach out to the red wall—Bella. The hand pushed towards it, gently. _Ay… ay… Ihhh…_ The baby giggled. The image stayed with me. That was my child moving in there.

Gasp.

The hand was still on the uterus wall. I heard Bella's soft voice in its mind. I unexpectedly saw the hand move back and forth over the wall. It was caressing her. Touching her willingly, and at the same tame making those noises. _Ihhh… Mmmmm…_

Gasp.

The hand was clutching, trying to grab Bella's tissue, the membranes…

Enjoying her.

The little hand moved in circles. Intentionally. Caring.

Gasp.

I was thunderstruck. But I had to say something out loud.

"He loves you." The sound of the baby became even more intense as I opened my mouth. "He absolutely adores you."

My little monster worships her.

Like I did.

Wasn't the baby's purpose in life to kill her and loathe her?

Bella stared shocked at me. Like she didn't believe what I was saying.

I didn't either. I felt my own devotion fill the blanks between the words. She heard it. She knew I was under the baby's spell now. She knew it and smiled at me, touched my face. I swear I heard her think… _I knew you'd come around…_

Rosalie was the self-righteous sister again. _Thankful now, huh? That we went through with this?_

A huge part of me was.

The declining part of me was still worried for Bella. But did it matter know, we couldn't change anything now—it was four days left, and as soon as Carlisle would come back we would take the baby out. It was big enough.

Maybe the worst part was behind me now.

_I am all alone… All alone._ Jacob's thoughts cut through and made me feel guilty. I had totally forgotten about him. _That betrayer, leech… I counted on him. I counted on him to suffer more than I would. Look at him… All of a sudden the family man… It tortures me. This pain is intolerable. Worse than death… I could take death with a smile right now… My Bella…_

He heard him getting up from the chair. I turned to him.

"Ohh," throttled.

_What am I supposed to do about this…? What… Bella… I have to leave... I can't take this. If only my feet would take me…_ He was trembling. He was furious. Sad. He _was_ alone. He was too distracted to even aim his thoughts.

I felt guilty, I felt sorry for him.

He did not deserve this pain. He was helping me all this time. I had to do something. I had to help him.

I darted to the drawer where we kept the car keys.

The Vanquish.

I trusted him with any valuable of mine, but this was the only one I wanted to give to him. He'd earned it. The Vanquish was a small possession of mine at this time. It was the least I could do for him.

I threw the keys at him.

"Go, Jacob. Get away from here." I made sure I got all of my sympathy in those words.

He was silent. Like need for air or water he headed to our garage.

I got back to Bella. My exchange with Jacob had happened too fast for her.

"Is he coming back?" She seemed worried about him. "Is he upset?"

"Yes," I said and sat down on the floor in front of her again. "He needs some time to himself. He'll be back."

She was remorseful, feeling bad about hurting him. She knew what had upset him. She wasn't that naive. She sighed and looked at her stomach.

I grabbed her small chin between my thumb and index finger. "Bella, he will be alright. This is a lot to handle, for him. All of this. For me as well…" I grinned.

Her face was lightening up.

"You… like him, the baby? Don't you?"

"It kills me to tell you. But I won't be able to hide it after this..." I swallowed. "It would be untruthful to tell you I didn't _love_ this child."

Rosalie sighed and walked away from us. _Not again._ _Really cheesy, Edward. You have to quit those speeches… I'm about to puke over here. _She made a gagging sound.

I ignored her. "I saw the baby, Bella, inside. I saw what he saw. He was patting you, thinking about you and laughing."

Bella started to cry again. "You _saw_ the baby?" She had to cough out the words between the sounds of the weeping.

I nodded.

Rosalie twitched across the room and became interested again. _You saw it…?_

Bella trembled and tried to pull me into her arms. I gave it to her embrace. "What does he look like?" she whispered.

"All I saw a small hand and a small foot. No claws or tentacles..." I laughed quietly. "He was thinking about you and me. I think he's already getting to know us."

Bella chuckled despite her crying.

"I long to see him."

So did I. Was this actually going to be over soon?

"So do _we_," Rosalie smiled and I saw myself hugging Bella through her eyes.

"We do…" I said and glanced at Rose, standing by the stairs next to an excited Alice. I lifted one eyebrow to question them.

Beat it.

_Sure we'll leave you alone…_ Rosalie tugged Alice along upstairs. _Don't do or say anything stupid though, I'll be watching you…_

I watched Bella again. Our faces were close together. For a few seconds, all we did was breathe in each other's scents. I put my hand behind her neck and dug my fingers into her dark hair; she shivered, breathing irregularly into my mouth. I chuckled but I smothered the sound with a kiss on her pink lips. I made it rhythmic, passionate, soft and never ending. My cold and her warm tongue were caressing each other, tender and rough overlapping. I felt her bloodstream rapidly pound against my body.

Suddenly the analgesic felt allowed to some extent. And effective again.

* * *

Hope you liked this one as much as I did! I will be doing some tough chapters now, but I'll update as soon as I'm done...

I work a lot right now and doesn't have too much time to write. Sorry if I'm leaving you hanging or something =)


	12. When Bella's heart stopped beating

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

"Rose will catch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily, since I can't see them." Bella was stretching, standing up. She insisted on walking to the bathroom herself, despite Carlisle's instructions. "That feels good," she said, inspecting her arms. She creased her nose. "Ugh, but I'm huge…" She sighed and patted the stomach. "One more day…"

We watched her. Rose and I were prepared to catch her fall. Jacob was back from his escape, somewhat shaken but prepared to catch her as well.

"All righty, then." The blanked she held touched the cup of blood standing on the sofa as she let it slip down. The cup fell and a large red stain spread over the fabric. "Whoops—oh, no!" She stooped to catch the cup, without need.

The three of us were faster than her, already reaching for it.

We heard a ripping sound. Like Velcro.

"Oh!" Bella exclaimed. She put a pale and empty expression on her face.

"Bella?" I asked anxiously, reaching out to her.

I was desperately trying to connect the horrifying sound to Bella's frozen face. What was that? Pain? Shock?

Then there it was. Another sound, even worse.

Bella's scream.

It was a shriek, panic. A single response to her state. The sound faded in a gurgle down her throat. Her eyes rolled back revealing two scleras. Rosalie held her collapsing body close to her. Then there was a stream of blood gushing out of her mouth.

Bella was unconscious.

Her body was severely twitching in Rosalie's arms. The seizure crooked her body in unnatural ways.

I felt powerless, I was watching her shatter for a fraction of a second, but it felt like forever.

_Oh God…_ Rosalie fought her spasms as careful as she could, so she wouldn't hurt her. I heard Bella's body crack. I saw the baby recklessly move inside her. "Upstairs! Carlisle! Cesarean! Alice! We're taking it out now!" Rose screamed briskly.

We ran upstairs to the study.

Bella's body was still jerking as Rose put her on the table.

Where to start?

I wanted to grief.

I wanted to be submerged by the pain.

I had to push myself back.

I was the one who could run this. I would be saving her.

I longed to express my feelings. Throw Carlisle's desk out the panoramic window. Break the table in two. Whisper Bella's name to her ear. Kiss her gently, calm her down. Make it go away by a healing hand.

But she couldn't heal without medical attention.

She was still jerking. Suffering.

I had the medical knowledge here.

"Morphine!" I yelled at Rose.

"Alice – get Carlisle on the phone!" Rose screeched.

_I'm on it Edward!_ _He's… not…picking up… yet, I keep trying… all their cells._ Alice was distressed; her thoughts were close to breakdown.

Rose ripped Bella's clothes off in a few motions. I successfully got the peripheral venous line into a vein in her arm in less than two seconds, quickly followed by a dose of Diazepam to fight the seizure.

Rose still wasn't preparing the Morphine. "What's happening, Edward?" She was momentarily derailed.

I felt our baby fade away, just like Bella, I saw him clenching on to the placenta with his small hands. The pictures were clear. The baby was wide awake. Fighting for survival, kicking her frantically. The amniotic fluid was read from the bleeding.

"He's suffocating!"

"The placenta must have detached!" Rose responded. _I hear him panic, I hear him fade away Edward. He's not getting any oxygen! The baby will die! Take it out! Now!_

The seizure subsided and Bella's eyes were focused for a moment. I felt my growing panic stabilize. "GET him OUT! He can't BREATHE! Do it NOW!" She screamed excruciatingly.

Vessels in her eyes burst, painting red spots on her scleras.

"The morphine" I growled to Rose.

She had it ready and I injected it.

"NO! NOW—" Bella screamed but gagged as a gush of blood was vomited again, cutting off her air supply. I tilted her head to the side and got my fingers in her mouth, trying to extricate the blood out.

Her eyes were still awake and staring at me but I saw her fade away again. Her eyelids seemed heavy. Her gaze started to flicker and she was gone again.

_I got Carlisle on the phone!_ Alice darted to Rose to attach the hands free to her ear.

Rose debriefed him as fast as she could, with anger and fear painting her words.

My eyes caught Rose holding the scalpel. _You have your hands full, let me do this. I have to save the baby._

"Let the morphine spread!" I commanded.

"There's no time, he's dying." She got the razor sharp blade into her skin and cut a few inches open. Bella winced slightly. A fresh stream of blood seeped down her groin. _You know, she's dying too. The sooner we get the baby out, we can save her… Her… Scent._ _Oh…_

I saw her upper lip withdraw to relieve her front teeth. I had my hands full trying to clear Bella's airway. Her body was twitching again on the table. The seizure wouldn't subside until we got the baby out of her.

"No Rose!" I exhorted her.

Finally, the dog made was useful. He'd been watching her twitching naked body for a long time now. He was too immature for prioritizing in a life and death situation. But he was all I had now.

He attacked her. She didn't fight him back. _I'm so sorry Edward…_

The hands free shattered to pieces on the floor.

I needed help, my hands were full. And all I got was a sixteen year old boy with a testosterone excess. I had to save them both by myself.

Panic. Pain.

Bella. Focus.

"Alice, get her out of here. Jacob, I need you."

He stood paralyzed, watching her face turn blue. Her soul was long gone but her eyes were open, staring dead into the bright light above the table. In panic. Choking.

"CPR?" I was knowingly mean, demanding the stupid dog. Maybe, he'd get that something was more important than this experience of his.

"Yes," he reacted. _How to…I don't know if I can…_

"Get her breathing! I've got to get him out before—"

CRACK!

No shriek. Her cramping legs went limp. They were recklessly thrown onto the table.

"Her spine," I stuttered.

"Get it out of her!" Jacob threw the scalpel at me. "She won't feel anything now!"

He was right about that. Finally he was on the right track, starting CPR. Breathing for her, supporting her faint, weak, irregular heartbeat.

For a sixteenth of a second I watched my wife covered in blood. Her naked, limp, half twitching body on a operating table in my father's study. Her best friend was hovering over her, supporting her with oxygen either pushing her chest down regularly. I realized what my life had become. I wasn't alone anymore. She was with me. After all those years by myself, preparing for an eternity alone, I found her endless love and faith in me. She gave it all. She walked through fire. She'd given me a child.

Which I was about to meet for the first time.

Right now.

I finished Rose's cut and threw the scalpel to the side, accidentally stabbing Aro's stone cold face, in the thick canvas on the wall.

I knew I was about to taste her blood. I knew I wouldn't care.

I knew my largest weakness wasn't primal, it was emotional.

I lowered my head and tore the membranes apart with my teeth. The taste of the amniotic fluid was different, new. Vampire. I tasted Bella too. The fluid and Bella's blood gushed out to the sides as I extended the crevice, exposing the curved fetus inside.

The head turned.

A pair of chocolate brown eyes met mine.

Improbable.

I gasped for air.

Bella coughed.

"You stay with me now Bella!" Jake yelled. "Do you hear me? Stay! You're not leaving me. Keep your heart beating!"

I didn't watch them. But I saw her face in his eyes. She wasn't waking up. I watched the baby in front of me.

I got my hand in there and wiggled the baby out through the crevice. Another gush of blood and fluid flowed out, along with the cord and the disconnected placenta. The baby was covered in both grease and blood. I dug the remaining fluids out of Bella and covered the bleed with my venom, which instantly made it subside.

As I bit the cord to separate the baby from the placenta I felt the baby clench on to my hair, my ear… I was excited about that.

I tied a knot of the cord I left and took a peak at the sex of the baby. It was a baby girl.

My girl.

I quickly removed blood and fluid from her mouth, letting her breathe. But she didn't scream or seemed relieved. As I got my pinkie out, her lips transformed into a smile. Her small hands grabbed on to my shirt. I wiped her face with it. Still unable to see any other feature than those chocolate brown eyes.

"Renesmee…" I whispered to her.

She winked. With my face and voice on her mind.

She seemed to understand the correlation.

Bella was still, breathing. She was weak but she was awake. Free from the demon. An exceptional demon.

Bella reached towards us with frail arms. "Let me…Give her to me…"

I held Renesmee above her before laying her on Bella's chest, still supporting the weight.

She was blinded by the strong light, fighting her eyelids to get a vision of her. Soon her face transformed into tranquility. She hummed.

"Renes…mee. So beautiful," she sighed.

She was exhausted. She was all out.

But she was so happy.

I got caught up in the family moment again. I had never seen anything this beautiful before. Regardless of Bella's irregular heartbeat and the gore covering us…

Bella gasped in pain and I realized Renesmee had bit her chest.

"No, Renesmee," I murmured, trying to reprimand her. I took her back into my arms. She was so warm, still warmer than Bella.

Shouldn't she be less warm by now?

Suddenly I saw Bella's eyes roll back through Jacob's eyes.

And her heart stopped beating.

The world went silent.

Bella was dead.

I couldn't breathe or move, holding my baby girl.

Her soul was gone. The electric impulses in her body vanished.

The atmosphere changed. I felt something indescribable consume the room.

Bella…

Jacob was fast, carrying on with compressions, hardly missed one heartbeat.

"What are you waiting for?" he choked out, without air. His voice was strain.

Renesmee was moving anxiously in my arms. I had to let go of her. I had to save Bella. Jacob would never manage this alone.

"Take the baby," I said urgently, handing Renesmee to him.

"Throw it out the window," Jake hissed.

What?

"Give her to me," Rosalie stood by the door, reaching her arms towards me.

We snarled at her. Her nursing Bella would be more efficient.

I had no time to argue.

"I've got this under control, give me the baby Edward," she yearned. "I'll take care of her until Bella…"

She took a few quick steps to me and I gave her my child. I loathed her, but trusted her.

I ripped a stainless steel syringe from a sterile box and divided it, effortlessly filling it up with my venom. I had enough due to the excess of human blood in the room.

"Move your hands, Jacob." I demanded holding the syringe ready for injection.

"What's that?"

I pushed his hand away, cracking one of his fingers.

He could cry about it if he felt like it. I didn't care.

I wedged the needle into her left ventricle of her heart to make it spread faster through her aorta.

"My venom," I said, injecting it.

Her heart reacted with a rough shove.

"Keep it moving," I demanded. I was working a schedule, no longer reflecting over the fact that it was Bella's body fading away. Apprehension would distract me. I told myself this girl was someone else.

But I fooled no one.

Jacob continued the CPR. He was going a too slow. But time to instruct him didn't exist.

I was injecting her with my venom manually. My teeth cut her throat, her wrists, her thighs, her groins anywhere I could find a blood supply. I sealed the wounds by leaving a coat of venom.

Jacob losing his grip distracted me. _It's just me and him now. And this corpse. This was Bella, but she will never be her again. She is mangled over. We can never save her._

His compressions became thoughtless, slow and irregular.

He gave up. _I don't feel drawn to this dead body at all. She will never come back to me. Why are we still doing this? I don't need to be here. I don't want to stand here for nothing. I got nothing here anymore._

Sluggish and a waste of time. Mongrel. _Go away never come back_.

"Go, then," I barked.

I cracked his hand in purpose. If weakness was his biggest problem right now he should go pity himself somewhere else.

I began keeping an accurate rhythm.

"She's not dead" I growled to his back as he left me. "She's going to be fine."

I could be regular like no human could.

I could keep a series of actions in a steady pace if I wanted to. I would massage her heart and help her breathe regularly. I would never go tired. I would keep doing this forever if I had to.

At this time I felt more alone than I ever had.

But there was something to live for. Even though Bella was dead. I had my daughter to care for. I would spend my infinite life feeling empty by her side. I didn't want that for her. I would be a poor father.

I was resolute to make this through.

I was eager.

Unwilling to be without her. Any version of her.

The blaze caused my chest to impair. My head ached. My arms wanted to weaken but I wouldn't let them. The pain I pushed back was trying to overpower me.

It didn't feel like me. I never had a human fall in love with me. Never had anyone fall in love with me. Certainly not marrying me. Worshiping me. I had no daughter. Except I did. Who had I become? Who was I? Trying to resuscitate a human I primary longed to suck dry.

I felt opaque.

Sad.

What had life turned out to be? I never realized. Looked at it this clearly before. And I didn't get to experience it fully before it was taken away from me. My own reckless behavior caused this. And I was the one telling her not to be reckless. The dead girl I was pushing down and unemotionally kissing—was innocent.

If Carlisle asked me if I wanted to become a vampire. And I would know about her… My gut would tell me yes. But at this moment I couldn't answer that, she could do better than be dead at eighteen.

I would never be able to suck that pain up.

I would always be a damaged man.

I would always love her.

Breathe!

Don't fade away, Bella!

Live!

_Don't leave me now… Don't leave me like this… Look at me… LOOK AT ME BELLA! I'm right here, for you… I need you for this. I need you for Renesmee. Please, don't go away._

Her body was motionless on the table. Only her arms snatched at every compression, hanging on each side of the table.

"Oh Edward!" Alice voice was thick and distraught. "Oh my god, Edward. Please let me help you."

She ran to the table and took over the artificial respiration. I stared at her focused face.

Between breaths she looked up to me. _I see her coming back Edward… Keep going. Keep going._

I thought my knees would curve. Relieved.

But time stood still.

How could she be this sure?

It felt impossible to me.

I stared at Alice. She tried to look calm. She knew I was evaluating my trust for her.

_Trust me Edward, keep going._

We got through another two series. I was about to start the compressions again when a rhythm accelerated in her chest. Her heart picked up a rapid throbbing.

I gasped.

I let go of her and took a step back. Watched her. Something more powerful than relief built up inside me. And I fell onto my knees. I shook and covered my face with my hands.

Alice lowered to me at the floor and put her small arms around me. _Everything will turn out fine. You made it through. It's over…_

If I could fall asleep I would.

Until she'd wake up.

I knew the time would pass by faster that way.

I wanted to be unconscious. Not experience anything, until I knew she was alright. I knew this change in her would cause her pain. Pain I didn't had the strength to think about.

But it was a price I was willing to pay.

She would survive. She would become my equal.

My contentment was overwhelming but I couldn't express it.

I heard her and my daughter's hearts beat fast. All I ever wanted. The two things I would single out in this world.

* * *

Please review =)


	13. Bella is changing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

"They will be here soon." Alice comforted me. We sat beside each other on the floor. My senses didn't acknowledge anything further than her voice and breaths.

I held myself together by listening to Bella's strong and hasty heartbeats.

"Carlisle called me back—they're on their way home," Alice added and jumped to her feet. "I'll be right back."

I felt less alone with her support.

But I was still unable to relax. I panicked.

Like Bella's life was hanging by a fine thread.

James and Victoria was a battle. The Volturi was a game. Spanish influenza was a disease. All four had been a risk—all four experiences could individually have ended my life. But I never felt defeated. This was _my_ first near-death experience.

And it was all about her.

For a quantity of time, God knows how long—she had been lying dead in front of me. This could have been fifteen minutes. It could have been three hours.

My perception was unreliable.

Alice came back with two buckets, a few bottles and a pile of towels. "I'll help you clean her up." She covered her body with a clean towel and began washing her face. She handed me a towel, asking me to help her.

I got on my feet and walked to the other side of Bella's face. She was drained. I held on to the heartbeat to make sure she was alive. Her eyes were half open. I saw a hint of the red irises. Alice watched me cautiously.

"Lift her head," she said. "I'll wash her hair."

I steadied Bella's limp head and put my arm underneath her thighs to pull her further up. Alice rinsed the hair several times by lowering her hair into the bucket of water. She changed the scarlet water and cleaned the hair several times. She was careful not to tug her hair or strain her neck. She wiped the table clean and covered it with towels before I put Bella back into her previous position.

It was peaceful.

Alice did well, trying to calm me down.

I guess she noticed my anxiety decrease. She smiled at me occasionally.

The blood on Bella's stomach had coagulated and dried. We washed it off and I noticed that her uterus had healed and shrunk back to normal.

She was healing. Soon the incision would be healed as well.

I washed Bella's arms. I took my heirloom off and cleaned it before replacing it on her ring finger. It fit, wasn't loose anymore. Had Bella gained her weight back? She expressed no signs of pain, although she was burning.

I didn't know if to be worried or relieved by that fact.

Either way I felt clumsy doing this with Alice. The deed was too surreal.

But it was right. Worthy.

We were taking care of a dead person. These were Bella's last heartbeats.

Alice finished cleaning her up. I put the cord and placenta in a plastic bag in the refrigerator. Knowing Carlisle would embrace it with enthusiasm. The strongest link in life. It was the adapter, connecting our imparity.

I walked back to her weary face, feeling restless. I sat beside her and put my hands on her cheeks. I wanted her to wake up and smile… But she was still sleeping.

What would she be like, waking up?

Would she still be my Bella?

Physically I could take her in any package. But in person I wanted the Bella I fell in love with. If her newborn identity would turn her back on me… I would fight her instincts. If she would ever be impulsive enough to forget everything...

Forget me.

Her skin felt was warm, but burning on my fingers anymore. I lightly touched her eyelids to shut them, not wanting to see the red circles on her, not yet. I buried my face to her neck. Her scent was the same. Attractive, but not tempting anymore. For the first time I took pleasure in her scent. Without angst. No grasp in my throat.

I could truly enjoy her.

If she woke up again… That would be everything.

"Do you see anything?" I asked Alice.

"I do, her face is… more flawless."

I gloated at her. Ridiculous.

"Do you _see_ anything else?"

"Not much Edward, sorry." Alice put the supplies by the door to sit down next to me. "She is undecided—lying here. She doesn't know what to expect yet, waking up as a vampire. Her instincts will tell us. I think we'll know as soon as she opens her eyes."

I sighed and kissed Bella's forehead.

Wishing.

Could time pass by slower than this?

"I think she will surprise us!" Alice tweeted. "If I know her correctly she will turn out as a bolt from the blue!"

Yes. She would always be contrary. In either living form she would always be contrary. And I was hoping for a miracle outcome. Maybe because I had a difficult time imagining her on a warpath for blood. Her obstinacy was her strongest weapon, our greatest chance for the great outcome. So, maybe she could turn out different.

"Yes, she will…" I breathed. "In some way she always does."

Alice's presence made the air radiant. The stress, depression and emergency that had congealed the room drifted away. It might just have been me calming down. But I knew Alice was a big part of the change. I didn't hear Jasper around yet but I noticed that my senses intensified. I slowly started so seize activities outside these walls.

"Thank you, Alice." I grabbed her hands in mine. She smiled and jammed her shoulder to my chest.

I heard the others downstairs. All sounds coming back to me were almost too much to bear. During the time I had spent in this room. I was comfortable to focus only on one thing…

I heard Jacob, Rosalie and Jasper downstairs.

And Renesmee.

I ached.

I longed for her in a strange way. It felt complex, experiencing obligation towards someone else than Bella. Renesmee were the only reason why I would leave this room. I knew my strongest priority at this time was Bella's health. In second place came my inquisitiveness. Who was my daughter? The new and strong affection made me aware of my curiosity, being even stronger about her than about Bella as a new born.

Is that how a father felt?

I longed to know her.

I knew she wasn't a monster. That smile…

_Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward. _I heard Emmett repeat in his thoughts as he came closer to the house. He, Carlisle and Esme were approaching, darting through the woods towards the house. Their thoughts were dismayed.

I shrugged. "They're back."

Carlisle's mind was preserved by guilt.

We were barely on our feet before we heard their supple footsteps on the wooden floors downstairs.

Carlisle entered the room first, rushing to Bella's side. He was checking her pulse, scanning her pupils, observing reflexes and pain-stimulating. _Good…. Good… all good… Thank Lord! _"How long?" The query was eager. As if it was crucial.

I was dull.

He was perplexed, looking at my direction. I couldn't meet his gaze.

"About three hours since her heart started beating… again" Alice whispered.

Carlisle was still trying to connect with me. _Edward… Look at me._

Esme walked over to me and kissed my cheek, consoling me. She held my arm and stayed by my side. Carlisle came over but hesitated before he patted my shoulder. I embraced him instead. Letting the frustration and relief run free.

I didn't feel like it was his fault, but I had suspected I might feel that way.

He had expected that too. Judging by his thoughts. They weren't intended for me as usual, they were spontaneous and personal. Esme's hand was on my back. Her mind was vibrant by the love that had occupied our home for the last couple of weeks.

Carlisle clenched on to me too. _I'm sorry. I know I promised I would do this for you…_ We let go of each other and I met his gaze to his relief.

"I am truly intimidated," he said. "I can't believe you made this through by yourself… Practically I knew you'd make it, but emotionally your self-control is remarkable to me. Tell me. What happened?"

There was no fair way to sum this up. I glanced at Alice who walked up to my side.

"The placenta detached when Bella got up from the couch. She became unconscious in seconds and had a seizure," Alice looked sincerely at Carlisle's disastrous face. I looked down, not wanting to reveal my expressions to the memories. Alice continued to tell the course of events: "Edward, Rosalie and Jacob brought her here and she was vomiting blood. Edward was trying to clear her airways and Rosalie was in a hurry to get Renesmee out, not tolerant to let the Morphine take effect… But she made the first cut despite Edward's orders, and lost it at the smell of her blood. Jacob had to stop her and I took her out of there. Renesmee was suffocating, fighting for a way out, causing Bella's spine to crack. It paralyzed her, so she wouldn't feel anything after that. Edward got Renesmee out and handed her first to Bella, who were awake for a short amount of time. Then to Rosalie who brought her downstairs. Then Bella's heart stopped beating. Jacob was doing CPR and Edward injected his poison with a needle straight into her heart and the typical way… Jacob… Gave up and left. Edward continued by himself. I helped him and finally I saw her come back to us…"

Carlisle and Esme looked at me with wide open eyes.

Many thoughts about medicine, self-control and the new, unnatural life spun in Carlisle's head. It was impossible to respond to anything.

"I saved the placenta for you," I managed to mumble.

_Thank you. _He smiled without being relieved. He patted my shoulder again.

"Well, I don't know what to say really. This sure turned out more seriously than I had imagined. But you did well, all of you. She _is _changing as we speak."

We all looked at Bella. Her heart was pounding fast and hard in her chest.

Please, let her be free from pain…

I felt Esme's hand on my cheek. _Edward… have you met her? Have you been with your daughter?_

I looked towards the door. "Before… I saw her; in _her_ mind when she was inside Bella, and she thought of our voices… " I lost track and swallowed. "I held her for just a minute. She wasn't screaming. She smiled at me." I looked at Bella again.

Esme sighed and looked at Carlisle.

"Come with us Edward," she said. "I know you want to be with Bella. But she will be safe with Alice for a while. Let us go down stairs. Introduce us. I can't wait to meet her."

I couldn't fight that request. There was no reason not to go down there and hold her in my arms again.

* * *

Been on a break for some time but I'm determined to finish this story!

Thank you for reading and enjoying!


	14. I will love you forever, Renesmee

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

_I know she's not mine. You don't have to worry about that. Just let me be a part of this. Don't push me away. I know you have the temper to do so._ Rose barely looked at us as she heard us walk downstairs. Emmett was by her side in the couch. She was looking at something in her arms. _She's adorable. She's anything I could ask for. I'm glad they're alright… So, please Edward…_

Her care, the reaction, felt important to me. Contentment would be; my family, welcoming my daughter into their lives. I was thankful that she was here for her. If all of them was about make that commitment. Rose wasn't a threat, an instinct told her to run but she wouldn't.

Emmett on the other hand was watching us. _Congratulations! Good work Edward. She is so awesome! And I have never seen Rose like this before. Please don't make this a big deal, don't ruin this for her, or me... It's all she ever asked for, and this is as close as she will get to a baby._

At the corner of my eye I saw Jacob in the dining room. He was agonizing about Bella over and over again. Was he still in shock? I tried to shake off the horrible pictures of her that was stuck on his mind. It was time for Renesmee.

I didn't want to reflect about anything else.

They got up from the couch to stand in front of the windows.

And I got to see her face again.

Esme's quick inhalation was a natural response. Just like the accelerating ache in my chest. Our reactions to the sight of her were nothing but legitimate.

Renesmee was mesmerizing.

Her effortless smile blew the three of us away. As soon as she had registered Carlisle and Esme, she stared at me. Two little hands reached towards my direction. The smile vanished and she got a determined look on her face. She turned in Rose's grip to get… to me?

"Oh, my," Carlisle sighed. _Unbelievable…_

I fluctuated.

Her draw paralyzed me. While all I could think of was to hold her.

It was hard to believe she was mine. Why the world had singled me out—of everyone who had walked this planet—to care for a miracle.

And she remembered me. That was a miracle on its own. I saw pictures from the birth in her mind. She remembered my voice, whispering her name softly. I heard the reverence in my own words. How powerful that moment had been.

The fact that it was Bella's chocolate eyes watching pleased me, I got to keep one thing I knew Bella would lose in the transformation. She _was _partiallyBella.

And the color of her hair...

That was a part of me.

I was represented.

Renesmee was me and Bella, as close as we physically could be, molecule to molecule. A sample of us put together.

This time I felt nervous, knowing I would touch her. Afraid of antipathy, fear or rejection. Bella wanting me was all I asked for. This child possibly accepting me, would be larger than I had courage to wish for.

A few more feet and I would find out.

Either way I would never let her go.

"I gave her a bath, I hope that's ok?" Rosalie hesitated. Her eyes were flickering. She was afraid, of possible consequences. Of me.

"Of course, Rose." I breathed. "Thank you."

_That was very nice of you to say, Edward._ Esme shoved me, forcing me to take the last few steps.

When Renesmee noticed my arms reaching for her she smiled again and released a short giggle. A sound I'd heard before.

My arms were insecure as I carefully nestled them around Rosalie's. I gave her a harsh look. She gave me an amused look in return._ You really think we could drop her?_

I moved as slow as I could. Afraid to scare her.

And she was in my arms again.

She giggled with a loud shriek. I twitched to her reaction. Did it mean she liked me? I was gasping for air. She was so small, warm, unreal… I was pretty sure this was nothing an average baby would do a few hours after birth.

But she wasn't one of them.

Average would never describe her or anything she accomplished.

"Renesmee…" I whispered and I sat down on the coffee table, making the distance shorter, if she would fall. I hardly trusted myself with this valuable. This experience was new to me. She was new to the world. Any precaution would be necessary.

Her hand touched my cheekbone, and she looked expectantly at me. I thought of the birth. The first time I held her. And of Bella. Renesmee looked at me with a peculiar expression and I realized she was thinking the same thing as me. I searched her mind but it was still exactly the same. Puzzled, I creased my nose trying to clarify the coincidence.

Rosalie laughed. "She is showing you something."

I was confused. "What?"

"When she touches your face, she can show you something," she chuckled. "What do you see?"

I was still confused. "No, we have the same thoughts…"

"You're a moron. She puts thoughts into your head," she grinned. "She has a talent with minds, just like you."

I didn't know how to respond. If I was happy about it or not.

"Hereditary maybe…" Carlisle considered.

Renesmee was only watching me. She seemed dissatisfied.

Had I already let her down?

My fear of scaring her made my appearance hostile. With a smile I could make her aware of the intense admiration I felt from being with her.

I had to trust myself. That I was able to do this.

It worked. The adoring smile widened her lips again. She registered the change in my eyes as I was smiling back at her. She thought of every feature in my eye. The eyelashes, the damp corneas and the color of my eyes. To her surprise I pointed at my eyes. She giggled again.

I wish Bella would have been there… No one else could possibly value this as much as I did.

It was capitulation in many ways.

Weakness.

Her warm body was curving in my arms. She was strong. She was the only baby I had ever touched. My curiosity made me undo my solid position. I tightened my grip and raised her further up in my arms. Her cheek felt warm against mine, burning and sending electricity through me. I was afraid it might have scared her. But her hands caught my hair and her mind noticeably expressed… joy.

Her scent was delightful. I could find the diversity. The hint of vampire. The human draw wasn't strong enough to torture me. The grasp in my throat was close to non-existent. The beat of her heart as a stronger reminder of her humanity. Maybe our common genes told me this victim was inappropriate? Maybe this time, my self-control put an end to my thirst, knowing this was my daughter. Knowing I'd never hurt her?

I could never be objective about her.

My cheek brushed over her face and I kissed her forehead. Her brown eyes sparkled like a moonlit river.

Perplexed. Unafraid. Felicitous.

Everything.

"I will love you forever Renesmee." I was unable to sustain an even voice. The affection shattered my words. I dared to loosen one arm to hold her reaching arm. "If you knew how… improbable this feels to me." I kissed the small hand and she giggled back to me. "I once thought you were a monster. But now I know you're something else. I'm sorry about that."

I put her hand on my cheek again and was thrilled to see a series of images she had of me. Memories. Her own way of communicating.

_Oh, Edward. What a beautiful picture. What a wonderful girl you have in your arms. I'm positive you will be a wonderful father to her._ Esme's thoughts were raving of emotions. The look in her face reminded me of a picture I imagined a few weeks ago. Her, standing next to Carlisle by the cedars…

Carlisle's seemed blessed. He analyzed each move Renesmee made, beaming proudly. _Congratulations Edward. We couldn't be more excited about this._

I took her with both hands to hold her in front of me. "Hmm, there are a few people I want you to meet, be on your best behavior, they will be important to you," I smiled and looked at Esme.

I got up and walked towards Carlisle and Esme. Esme grabbed on to Carlisle's hand with a love-struck expression on her face.

"Hello Renesmee." She used every neuron trying to note her reaction. _She is so… perceptive._

I watched my daughters head tilt to the side. Something about her expression told us that she understood what we were doing. The introducing. Esme looked at Carlisle, eagerly waiting for him to make the next acquaintance.

"He'll have his turn. Here, take her." I chuckled as I pushed Renesmee to her chest.

She gasped, but embraced her small body naturally. The blanket slid but she rapidly covered her up again. The mother instinct kicked in with the blink of an eye. "Oh, aren't you warm? Aren't you a remarkable girl? You must be the most beautiful thing…" She was dandling her in her arms.

Renesmee revealed no signs of fear. She watched me curiously.

"Esme," I said and nodded towards her grandmother.

She watched Esme's beaming face again and straightforwardly thought the name of the person that was holding her. Simply made an association.

"She understands that her name is Esme," I said proudly.

Then she put her hand to Esme's cheek to perform.

With Esme she revealed the whole journey. Everything she had experienced. The time inside Bella, the birth and the hours with Rosalie, Jasper and Jacob.

She kept the images of me on hold for a while longer. In some way I was an exception. And Bella. She had only one image of her but it lasted for a full minute.

It made Esme worry.

Carlisle was utterly interested and tried to catch Esme's eye. She laughed lightly and handed Renesmee to him. Again she was able to repeat the name of the person who held her.

That acquaintance was a mix of their astonishment. I was unable to tell who was more intrigued by the other.

I chuckled. "I see a resemblance."

The others chuckled to, knowing what I had on my mind. Carlisle seemed confused but managed to keep his interest focused on her. Her story made parts of Alice's graphic. The few thoughts of Carlisle's that fit between Renesmee's memories were torn between the genetic mystery and the miracle of my daughter herself. I would never have questioned his dedication for her. But what caught me off guard was the dedication that rose for Esme. First when she held her, then when he held her himself. The sight and the occurrence were intimate and moved me extensively.

It was impossible to fight a smile.

To fight tears if I had any.

This is the way a child must feel when they unveils a drawing they made for their parents. Waiting for praise.

Esme embraced me again. "I am so glad this part over for you. I couldn't be more proud of you, taking all of this pain for the people you love. I know you impossibly could have imagined this though… I know you worry about Bella still—and probably about your daughter too." At the word 'daughter' she sighed like she couldn't believe what she said, as could I. "I wished she had a more fair recollection of her mother."

Renesmee yearned to come back to me and Carlisle returned her with difficulty, getting no time to examine her. _Well I guess I have time for an examination later. She seems well, so there's no rush. _He turned to Esme. "It would be too much of a risk to expose Bella to a beating heart. That is for you as well Jacob." His eyes left Renesmee to glance at the dining room where he hid. "And I am sure that is a precaution any of us is willing to consider. She will have the time to be acquainted with her mother later."

"That's how it will be," I stated.

I felt no need to watch my parents any longer. I had known those characters for decades. I had an urge to catch up with my daughter. Again, I put her face against mine to kiss her smooth skin, which was as impermeable as mine. I closed my eyes and enjoyed each fragment of her proximity.

A melody corresponded with my mental state. A few smooth and distinct chords who was to petit to bring justice to her beauty. I walked across the floor to carefully try the tunes on the brutal instrument.

No justice at all.

I grinned at Renesmee's astonished face, reminding me of the first time I played her mother's lullaby in this exact place.

We were all silent for a couple of minutes. Esme sat down with Rose to marvel and Carlisle got back upstairs. Soon Renesmee's eyelids began to flutter.

I leaned her head to my shoulder, and she fell asleep. Innocently.

She intrigued me.

This incontestable. Improbable.

* * *

It was very difficult to write this one, too much love in that room. So I decided that Edward didn't reflect much about the other's thoughts. There are like 5000 thoughts in Edward's head only about Renesmee, that was more important to 'put on paper'. So what do you think about their encounter? Is it realistic, unlikely, senimental, short, plain, stupid, off-character?

If you knew how happy I get when I read your comments, they mean a lot! If you're reading, please give me your thoughts! Thank you!

More to come...


	15. Did you expect a blessing, Jacob Black?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters and this love story belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

English is my second language! Have that in mind...

* * *

Ok, I'm nervous. I know you had your hopes up for this one. This was more difficult than I'd have imagined.

Please be honest!

* * *

For a few hours I was lying on the divan by the grand piano, watching her sleep. My thoughts could not rationalize this moment. Everything there was to know about her had to be achieved by looking at her. All words were undersized and tasteless.

Insults.

I knew it was time to get back to Bella's side. This situation called for something like a schedule. I could hardly leave any of my girls unsupervised for the time span Bella's change would require. My ego needed them both.

I found no other prominent threat against our family than those reeking beasts raving in the woods. I was immersed enough to have forgotten the conflict of interest. Jasper was quick to inform me of the wolves' position. With Seth's help he had managed to get the message out. Jasper was the natural sentinel and his ability to take on the task alone in a time like this one was a loyalty we could take for granted. He was determined to stand, unconvinced by Jacob's side.

With the secured situation at the house and with the reserved flock a few miles away I would assess the situation as under control.

At least for now.

And as the time on the divan passed I became more and more aware of the circumstances around me. Jacob was in obvious distress the few times I was able to avert my concentration which was entirely focused on the breathing baby girl on my chest. Why Jacob never left this house, why he didn't make the statement to the pack himself became a misery to me.

I was bluntly uninterested in his intentions comparing to my new object of curiosity. Time spent on Jacob Black, was time lost on Renesmee.

I bridle at the thought.

But the uncertainty made me concern. Even if I had learned to trust his character due to the bond he had with Bella. Figuring him out had to become a precaution. He'd never have the option to escape my inquisition. In anything concerning the two reasons to my existence.

I left the secluded part of the room careful enough not to wake her up. I passed the corner to the dining room and found Jacob on the edge of the dining room table. His eyes were closed. The thought of him physically functioning for Bella filled his mind. He was shaking in the matter of a chill and not fury, which made me stop and question Jasper with a quick gaze.

"There is something severely intense about him, he has been like this for hours," Jasper murmured. _We shouldn't leave him alone like this. We don't know what he'll be capable of. I don't sense any rage though_.

I gave him an appreciative look and offered him to hold Renesmee by reaching my armful towards his direction. He shook his head. _I'd love to. But I think I'll put it up for later... I won't leave this position. And… I am sure Rosalie is available._

I turned to discover Rose darting to my side with her arms reached out for her. I kissed the top of Renesmee's head and inhaled a final breath of her subtle scent of her bronze curls. Once she was in Rose's arms the back of my fingers lingered for a few seconds on her cheek. She was still sleeping peacefully.

I watched they walk away and I unwillingly took my eyes off her.

Something that would permanently belong to me.

I turned to Jacob. In new ways his emotions pierced through me more strongly. Bella's bloodshot eyes were still haunting him, behind closed eyes.

"Jacob. Are you in shock? Look at me," I murmured discretely to avoid exposing him. Even though several pairs of ears could follow our conversation. "Do you want me to get Carlisle?"

With clenched teeth he hissed at me.

I lost my patience. Knowing he was putting on a show.

"Jasper tells me there's no rage in you. Your memories tell me otherwise as well. I knew you wouldn't leave Bella because of this. And I'll will tell you why," I hissed, keeping my voice down. "First, you never prepared to say goodbye. You love her and would take her in any form if it was necessary—now that you never will be more than friends with her. Second. You did CPR, Jacob. When my venom was spreading. It makes you an accomplice. If the treaty was on—you'd have contradicted it. But I guess it's easy to be hindsight."

I noticed Carlisle and Emmett pull up next to Jasper.

Jacob creased his nose. Eyes still closed. He was content to keep silent. The picture of Bella was a permanent image in his head. Impossible to dislodge.

That was his intention.

"I understand if you mourn her. That's not irrational. But for it to be the only thing on your mind? Both Jasper and I can presage something else too. What is it Jacob? What do you want?" I recognized my voice become even sharper as I spoke. "You were too determined to leave—and yet you're still here."

I wasn't prepared for the kind of information which would be evident to me in the following seconds. It all came to me very quickly. My face started to crumble as soon as I heard Renesmee's squeal from being woken up. In a fraction of a second I found the time to start blaming the caliber of my sharp voice. I indexed Rose's soft lulling response and relaxed over the fact that someone was there to comfort her the few seconds before I could get there. One second passed and I was about to leave to calm her down when I unexpectedly discovered my own reflection in Jacob's face. And his mind he revealed his true predicament. I saw him tense up in a jiffy. He crossed his arms over his chest and hissed through his teeth again. He saw Renesmee again for the first time. Rosalie's arms outstretched, holding her in front of her. The sentiment of his reminiscence was impossible to condone. The indefinable intensity around him was about Renesmee, not Bella. Curiosity would make him leave the house. Something stronger than that was needed for him to be this persistent.

Imprint.

In a flash I had him on the floor in underneath me.

"You want my blessings, Jacob Black?"

"Wow guys!" Emmett said and raised his hands. "Take it slow." _Though I really wanted to watch this fight for a long time now._

Jacob raised his brows. _So you're really going to kill me, huh._

My stone grip around his neck tightened and turned his face bright red. The sound of him sipping for air was utterly pleasant. Jasper's hand pulled me backwards which broke my delirium. The proximity made us both uncomfortable and I let go to step back.

Jacob quickly got up on his feet. _Maybe that was justified… But, ouch!_

He coughed and rubbed his palms to his neck, whilst his face regained its normal shade.

I'd never imagined red as flattering color on him.

Hope it still hurts, mongrel.

"How do you propose I should handle this?" His mind revealed fear. His eyes revealed sorrow. _I won't be leaving this house. I wouldn't know how to._

The fact that he had the guts to be upright about it made me feel sick.

"Let me help you with that detail. There is no reason for you to stay here," I hissed. "Go away Jacob and don't come back. You're not welcome here anymore."

No one had a clear mind about what was going on expect Jasper who at least managed to put the pieces of the wrong puzzle together. Bella wasn't the object of affection this time.

Jacob's eyes wandered restlessly between all of us. Then he watched me again and leaned forward.

"You think I don't get that? I'm not _that_ stupid," he hissed. "I know this makes me alone right now. But the time for her to choose—"

"Choose!?" I roared and stepped forward again.

Did he have a death wish?

Carlisle's quick hand caught my shoulder. He was concerned about my jerk – silent no screm, more blood out. _What's going on Edward? Is it about the Bella? The pack? Are we still safe? _

I snorted and stared straight in front of me.

"Jacob is a victim of imprint," I pronounced the words with disapproval. "He imprinted on Renesmee."

Rosalie's quick screech reminded me of fingernails being dragged down a black board.

"Please. Rose. Get her out of here," I murmured.

"With pleasure," she responded in a disgusted manner. "His reek has tortured me for hours." She left the room shuddering.

My brothers closed up on each side of Jacob. It was hard to tell who would get their protection. Carlisle gave them an admonishing glance. As I suspected, his influence gave them no other choice than to keep control of the situation, either way this argument would turn out.

When I'd cross the fence again.

"Don't worry blondie I'm not a troublemaker. All of this will be up to her some day. She'll make a decision," Jacob shouted after her, even though he knew she'd hear him perfectly fine.

I raged.

"If you think there will be a choice to make here, you're wrong. Bella had the right to choose whomever she loved more between the two of us. That was a chance you once had. If she had left me she'd be out of my hands." The disdain put a scornful smile on my face as I continued my statement. "Regardless whom she'll choose when she grows up, Renesmee will never stop being mine. That is the difference here. She'll never be out of my hands. She is my daughter, Jacob. You and I are not equals in this matter."

"I'm not saying she'll choose between the two of us. I'm saying she might choose to… like me, anyway." He stared unabashedly in Renesmee's location in the laundry room, troubled. "You know I can't help this. It's not about romantic love. It's about commitment, protection, things you'd know a few things about."

He didn't seem to comprehend that our common interest wasn't up for comparison, that the idea of it was ridiculous. It would be a lie to tell myself that this situation was safe. I didn't know much about Renesmee's preferences. But. I was not about to lose her to him.

I would prevent that from happening.

"The thought of comparing your paltry attachment to mine makes me laugh. Go find yourself a girl in your own social group. You're reaching for stars, Jacob."

He lowered his arms, looking dog-tired. "Like I _could_ put this off, even if I wanted to. These feelings are permanent. I love her. I will love her. And I'll give up what's left of me to have this chance to be with her."

"She's a child. It's revolting. The thought of you…" I swallowed. "…Waiting around…" I scanned him up and down with creased eyebrows. "It disgusts me. All of us."

He felt ashamed. I watched him search his mind for a way out of this branch of the conversation. Switching between his adolescent impulses and his true alternatives.

"Leeches," he managed to utter.

His 'clever' remarks were amnesiacs.

"You think it's a wise thing to offend me? There's a bucket and a sponge in the garage. Start with the Vanquish if you ever consider doing some sucking up," I laughed and looked at Emmett who laughed with me. I turned to watch Jacob again. "I _will_ be in your head forever."

Jacob's mocking laugh first appeared amused but as his eyes met mine again I saw a new, jagged, expression in his face. "Maybe that's a good thing? I don't mind you keeping an eye on me. So. Was that my blessing, _Edward Cullen_?"

I was pleased to bear in mind that Jacob's stronger features were unavailable to him at this moment. His thoughts made me aware of him being less happy about that fact. What puzzled me was the fact that his imprint was unrelenting. If it wasn't for Renesmee, he'd be the living mongrel by now. His rage wasn't prominent enough to change him. But if desperation had been his accelerator…

His eyes were as black as Jasper's by now. The frustration of his, of might being thrown out of here made him consider any potential strategy at this point.

I had strategies to consider as well.

He acknowledged my authority in the encounter. It made me move even closer to him. And as much as Jasper and Emmett were prepared to keep my actions on hold—they enjoyed every minute of it. Emmett's images of me suffocating him almost put an end to my self-control. But I'd never get away with that again.

But I could wait for his retaliation with a smile on my lips.

"Go find your puppy love somewhere else—my daughter isn't available for your perverse discredit."

He laughed.

"_You_ want to talk perverse with me?" He smiled and came forward himself.

"You're too immature for your own good, Jacob."

He appeared hefty. "Ah, I guess you stop being immature at 100, huh—right about then it's absolutely fine to start knocking up 18 year olds—YUCK!"

I hissed, clutching my fists. "Do you want a fist down your throat or do you want my attention? Try not to make a fool of yourself."

I noted how he scrutinized his position to get away with his aspirations. "Something tells me these other guys wouldn't let you do that."

"I'm pretty sure Emmett is up for it."

We both turned to watch Emmett reply my wide grin. _Right on! Say 'when'._

Forget about it, Jacob Black.

You're right back where you started.

Carlisle tried to reach an understanding for the situation. "I understand you Edward, I absolutely do. But, what is your judgment based upon?"

"I have the authority to me irrational about this." I turned to focus on Carlisle's sympathetic features, to prevent losing myself to my impulses this close to Renesmee.

I knew the moment was over. I had reached a physical outlet once.

Unsatisfied.

Carlisle smiled tentatively. "The thought is alarming to me as well. But the main path he'll take with her is friendship. Something that _could_ evolve to something more once she is grown up? That would be a choice made by _her_. You could force her otherwise but you know enough of Charlie and Bella not to make that mistake." He sighed as if he was nervous about this. _If I know your wife as well as I think I do—I'd say she'd want a say in this before you throw her friendship with Jacob away._

"You make the facts sound simple. They're not. If Jacob spends time with her growing up, an idiot would understand she's being manipulated into falling for him."

"Do you know anyone who'd be good enough for her, Edward?"

Jacob started to look hopeful but relaxed when he saw Emmett's suspicious face.

"Thanks Doc," he murmured instead.

"The imprint might be powerful to you, but you're on your own. I admire your courage to prove us otherwise. But this is a family matter. And I'm afraid that Bella's opinion is of too much importance in this situation. I suggest you stay nearby. She'll wake up in a few days. Use our facilities, but don't force yourself upon Renesmee. Your best chance to earn Edward and Bella's reliance would be to let them consider what they'd tolerate."

Jacob made Carlisle's word his assignment. I couldn't have imagined that I had to reconsider Jacob's presence in my life one more time. I wanted to escape all thoughts and the decision that was about to be made. But it was pointless. I knew Carlisle was right. This had to be considered.

She'd go furious.

This child was her everything. But I was unsure about how it'd turn out, because of her and Jacob's fanatical kind of friendship. Probably not the way I'd ask for.

Jacob left the house after the conversation. Walking the shore of the river up and down for a few hours while I was deliberately selective, reading his thoughts. Willing and unwilling to familiarize with his absurd passion. Once in a while he glanced at the house. He was physically unable to stay away from her. From _my_ Renesmee. Strangely, in a non-perverse way. There were no such feelings there. Now anyways.

I closed my eyes.

As my impulses to suffocate him would subside I'd acknowledge the positive aspects of his presence. I shrugged to the awareness. That I'd had the nerve to let myself consider this so-called companionship.

A negotiation was taking shape in my head. It'd be now or later. Foolishly I was already aware of the positive aspects. But I was stubbornly blocking them out. Unwilling to face my own retaliation. Refusing to be the weaker link between me and Jacob Black.

Losing my principles to a dog.

I'll refuse to call it surrender.

Insightfulness is better.

I had enough awareness of my own final verdict.

Anguish.

_Face the defeat._

I knew Jacob Black in several ways I didn't know others. He was approved for Bella. That approval was a thorough process. I even considered him my brother one or twice.

He _was_ harmless.

But he was a teenager, the kind I wasn't.

What was I thinking?

I shrugged again.

_No one will ever be good enough._

I turned to watch her being examined by my father. What was it Carlisle had said about Charlie? That I should be careful not to have her turn her back on me? The thought caused my heart to wrench in my chest. Charlie had trouble accepting me, and he was never unobtrusive about it. He was superior though over the fact that Jacob Black was a part of Bella's life. The importance he'd become for her recovery. After I brutally left his daughter without as much as a string of hope left.

I was hardly prince charming.

Jacob having manners was laughable.

I watched him by the river again question what was of importance here.

Pride?

No.

The security of Renesmee.

I found myself mature enough to be straight with myself. Jacob might be what I needed. He was obligated to protect her. At every stake. When I wasn't available. He had no choice but to sacrifice his own life for her.

The thought made me smile. He was unable to escape me. His intentions would always be available to me.

What if Renesmee was about to fall for a lethargic jock with a deranged view on morals? A man would _dream_ about buckle her face in. All fathers didn't have the fluke of having a daughter in natural body armor.

I was suddenly deeply thankful to that.

No one will ever be good enough. But there would be _someone_.

Someday.

Protection was the requirement of greatest importance.

I thought of Bella.

Renesmee.

The three of us having a friendship with Jacob Black.

My jealousy.

Pain striking through my empty veins.

Insight.

I considered breaking something. My own fortitude made me feel sick.

If I had food to eat I'd being hurling it up right now.

I opened the door to the porch.

"Jake. Do you want to hold her?"

I shut the door again to quickly recede upstairs. This was nothing I wanted to see for myself. Only Bella's face was available to distract me now.

Alice grunted at me when I entered the study.

"He won't have the guts to disappoint me," I murmured. "There will be no shortcuts."

* * *

Puh... =)

I like parts of it but I'm not sure if the 'red line' is alright. I feel that a lot of sentences is out of order... Hope you like it though!

24 hours to decide if Edward was attacking him or not, but at last I just felt it coming. Haha. I wanted to give Eddie that one.


End file.
